“Hee-haw! H-how’ve I let myself get this GROSS? Ugh, geeze, look at yourself, Jack! I’m turning into a freakin’ FAT-ASS! I’m a BLIMP! I’m-”
~Bzzt! GRRRUMBLE..!~
“…I’m… hungry… I… I REALLY need some pie…”

Have you ever looked at a friend and thought they’re just too skinny? Well, now you have the power to change that! Just download the new Growr app onto their phones and you’ll set them on the path to being a bigger, better them! Using existing smartphone hardware, with our patented vibration pulses calibrated to precisely stimulate their nervous system you’ll see a difference in no time. Keep a caring eye on them from the comfort of your own phone, and you can make SURE they’re eating right. With the app’s sliders you can even customise them to whatever shape suits them best! Remember, with Growr in their back pocket you’ll have all the friend you could EVER need!

(Subjectswaistlinemeasurementswillnotgodownaswellasupwearenotresponsibleforincreasedgrocerybillsordamagetosmartphonesfrombeingsatonspareclothessoldseparately)