Collection 1
By: Blobskin

Version: 1.04

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The pieces in this collection are short, meaningless, and meant to make the reader laugh. They contain violence and death, cruelty and cutesy, anthro and pony, butts and cuddles, and just about everything else you can think of. None is more than a 500 words long and none is meant to be taken seriously. If you would like to see any of these pieces made into a stand alone story, leave a comment. I just might take up the challenge.

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Anon and his best pal Moth (who was actually an ant, his parents were kind of dumb) stared up in horror as Fluttershy's massive butter yellow ass came crashing down on them. It was kind of their fault, seeing how they were relaxing on the giant mare's favorite couch. In a mighty earthquake, the pair were obliterated before either could start running.

Which is good because in their last moments one of them would have inevitably tripped the other in a desperate attempt to save his own life. And betraying your best friend just before he dies is wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking otherwise.

---

It was cleaning day and Rarity had spent the whole morning wiping down Sweetie's latest mess. There was dirt and mud all over the counters from some sort of arts and crafts project that had gone horribly wrong. In other words, Sweetie had accidentally opened a portal to another reality and brought a helpless human city into Equestria. However, said human city was little more than dust to the naked eye.

Humans bowled over each other in the streets as they ran for whatever cover they could find. The massive white mare (who's finely combed purple mane remained a rare beauty even when it was covered in sweat) leaned over their worthless minuscule world. She raised her non-name brand disinfectant spray and its partner, Mr. Sponge, in preparation for the deed.

People pointed at the sky and screamed as the nozzle aimed at their skyscrapers. Then Rarity fired. A blast of droplets the size of lakes rained down. Buildings vanished. Humans were splattered by the sheer force. Even when the meteor storm of cleaning fluid ended, the acid immediately began melting their world into an even more unidentifiable soup.

Rarity's delicate manicured hand and the muscular Mr. Sponge quickly bulldozed over the remains and wiped them away. "Ugh," Rarity sneered in disgust, "this is the most dreadful mess ever spawned."

---

Anon dialed madly on his phone, furiously pounding the buttons. But nervous human was nervous and he couldn't press the right ones. He kept dialing some old lady who couldn't understand him. "No, wrong number again!" he screeched. Darn first world problems.

A giant scaly purple leg dominated the world in front of him. Spike, the size of a planet, was ignorant of the flea sized human staring up at his backside and Twilight was busy miles away combing through her spell book, her muzzle wrinkled and her eyes narrowed in frustration.

"So why didn't it work, Twilight?" Spike asked again.

"I don't know!" Twilight raged at the dry pages, but their legendary stubbornness kept them from submitting to her demands for answers. "Anon should have appeared right here in this petri dish."

"Maybe he's too tiny to see," Spike reasoned with a shrug. There was no reason to worry. Tiny humans weren't something for gem loving dragons to get worked up about.

"This microscope is capable of x100 magnification. He would be easy to spot!" she continued, slamming the book closed and rubbing her sore eyes with a shaky hoof.

"You need a break and maybe some tea," Spike suggested.

Twilight smiled "If you wouldn't mind, I'd love some Spike. Ugh, I'm sure he'll turn up."

Anon screamed up at them, having tossed his useless phone aside. Maybe dragon or pony ears were really sensitive. "DOWN HERE SPIKE!!" Suddenly, the huge scaly leg was grinding the wooden floor as it turned. Then it soared towards him and landed with an earth shaking boom. Anon struggle to stay on his feet while the dragon's other foot came at him. A shadow engulfed his tiny body. His eyes widened, his throat locked up, and then he disappeared. A red stain no dragon or pony would ever notice.

---

The massive red digits plowed through the concrete high-rise. Chunks of stone and rebar were sent flying in all directions as humans fled from their new god. The smallest drops of sweat were raging waterfalls that flooded the streets and drowned the helpless mortals in warm salt water. Even those on higher ground found their lungs choked by the overwhelming foot musk.

Towering over them, Big Mac's evil grin never wavered. He raised his foot, a single toe greater then the highest towers, and dangled it over a previously untouched suburb. The dark shadow made panicking humans freeze and stare upwards. Their new sky was covered in hair, each branch as thick as the cables on a suspension bridge. From that massive sole fell the twisted remains of vehicles and apartment complexes, raining on them like hail from hell.

A dog barked, chained to his doghouse while his masters fled. With a single step, the world quaked and Big Mac's foot burrowed a dozen feet into the earth. Homes that hadn't been sunk into the ground around his foot cracked and collapsed. A rush of heavy air shot out in all directions. Men and women were thrown off their feet. Sirens wailed, but their pathetic efforts were meaningless.

A god does whatever a god wants.

---

"You've got to angle it, Sweetie," Applebloom chided the other filly.

"I know what I'm doing!" Sweetie's voice cracked. She adjusted her grip on the magnifying glass, but her view of the tiny city didn't change. She huffed. "Maybe we should do this when it's warmer," she offered.

Applebloom scowled. "Give me that. I'll show ya how it's done."

Applebloom moved to seize the magnifying glass while hundreds of tiny humans watched uneasily below. Their skyscrapers gleamed in the morning sun, the temperature a pleasant 73 degrees Fahrenheit, while two massive furry girls with coned shaped ears and equine muzzles struggled for a view magnifier above them. The ground shook with their every movement. Eventually Applebloom cheered with victory while Sweetie crossed her arms and pouted.

"Now ah'll show ya," the country pony grinned. Aiming the glass just so, the sun's light was focused and, like a laser, began to cut into one of the concrete structures. A spot the size of a car puffed smoke. Sticking out her tongue, Applebloom adjusted just a smidgen more. BOOM!! Fire exploded from the middle of the building and people screamed. "SEE! That easy," Applebloom laughed. She then turned the handle and slid the laser point across homes and businesses, each one lighting up like a box of matches in turn.

A fire engine roared down the main road. "Ooh ooh, get the red one!" Sweetie hopped in place, madly tapping Applebloom's shoulder. Sweat dripped from the earth pony's forehead as she aimed. The metal immediately turned red, melted, and then the cab caught fire. Finally, it crashed into an old folks home which quickly turned into a raging inferno.

Applebloom let the laser linger on the road as she turned to Sweetie. "THAT is how you burn humans with a magnifying glass," she stated proudly while the pavement melted under the relentless heat ray.

---

Anon stared at the spellbook skeptically. He didn't believe in magic, but it was such a thick book and on sale for only $9.93! What an unusual price! Normally prices ended in a 9 or a 5. But a 3? He just had to get it. But what was he supposed to do with it now? All it could do was fill shelf space and make him look smarter. Shrugging, Anon began casually flipping pages.

"Flight, male enhancement, perfect woman, blah blah blah," he read off spell names tiredly. "Hey! Teleportation." Anon lowered the four-inch thick tome as a sudden spark of inspiration struck. "I could finally go see the Grand Canyon. Maybe even find my lucky pebble."

Motivated and just a hint excited, Anon flew out of his seat and began the Irish Ceremonial Dance of Spellcasting. Unfortunately, Anon was not Irish nor was he drunk enough to do the dance right. So he just ended up knocking over his coffee table and flopping on the floor in pain.

"Ow, giant shiny sun cheeks!" he cursed, clutching his injured knee. Suddenly a bright glow consumed the room and the hum of ancient magic filled his ears. "Wait, I didn't name the destination!" Anon protested... even though he clearly had.

The next thing Anon knew 2 fuzzy white orbs were hovering over him, casting a shadow over the land despite each bearing a simple picture of the sun. He blinked slowly up at the dominating presence. Then he stared into the dark crevice created where the two orbs mashed together, their weight indescribable to someone so small.

Then the sky fell as Princess Celestia carelessly dropped into her throne. With an earth shattering boom Anon's world became nothing but darkness, sweat, and pain.

"Time for another long day of work," Celestia mumbled to herself, wiggling in her seat to get comfortable.

---

"I'm going to have to punish you," Gem Plate stated. Atop her rough sky blue mane Anon was lazing on his back, arms crossed behind his head. Totally relaxed.

"Come on Gem," he scoffed. "We're, like, best friends. And friends don't punish friends for breaking the law. They join them."

"Celestia is my boss," Gem explained with a role of her eyes as she made her way up the street towards the castle. "And you painted graffiti on her statue."

"That was a smiley face and I was trying to make her look more cheerful," Anon countered quickly, sitting up.

Gem walked silently for a moment. "I have my orders as a royal guard under her majesty."

"Yeah, but Celestia specifically stated 'you are free to enact whatever form of discipline you deem adequate'. And since we've been closer than 2 peas in a pod since day 1, you can 'deem' no action necessary!" Anon reasoned.

Gem grinned. "How about a compromise then. I'll punish you like I did last time you broke the law."

"YES!" Anon cheered with a rapid fist pump. "Another ride in your panties!"

"But this time," Gem cut in, her grin turning evil, "it will be all day. While I'm on duty."

Anon's body froze, eyes widening with horror. "B-but you're posted in the courtyard. Which is outside. In July. In thick metal armor."

"Don't worry about me, Anon. I drink plenty of water."

Just as the tiny human tried to flee, he found his body immobilized in a veil of thin blue magic. Passersby stared in wonder as the tiny human cried for help while his escort laughed.

---

Bu-bump. Bu-bump. Bu-bump. Bu-bump.

That soothing heartbeat was so powerful, yet tickled Anon's ears so gently.

That warmth radiated into his entire body, but not so much that he sweat.

That fur was like silk under his palms and against his face, like an enormous bed.

That scent drowned out all other smells and filled his head with glee.

Nothing beat hugging an amazon sized pony.

"Uhm, excuse me Anon. I'm really sorry, but my animals need me."

"Shh, don't talk Fluttershy. Just let me enjoy this a little longer."

Fluttershy looked around awkwardly before letting a small smile grace her lips.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Right?

So Fluttershy wrapped her wings tightly around the human and squeezed him to her chest.

"Best. Morning. Ever."

---

It was an impossible question to answer. Twilight couldn't help him, she had already refused to make a decision. But Anon couldn't do the same because he was small and they were big.

"Well, Anon? Whose ass is better?" Rainbow growled.

"And don't ya try and lie ta us neither," Applejack added.

Presented to Anon were 2 moons. A blue one and an orange one. 2 gargantuan asses that dominated his sky. He swallowed. Pulled on his collar. Wiped the sweat from his brow. Anything to buy time.

Anon had to think VERY carefully about this.

Applejack's ass was bulging with muscle. Hard and defined.

Rainbow's ass was fluffy with thick fur. Smooth and aerodynamic.

No, he couldn't pick one over the other. They were both great in their own special way!

"Uhm, they're both... nice?" Anon chuckled nervously.

"Oh no you don't!" Rainbow shouted, thrusting her rear against the table and knocking him over. Her massive posterior lumbered over him. "Mine is better!"

"Ah don't think so," Applejack protested, knocking Rainbow aside and pressing her own ass up against the edge of the table. "One of 'em has got ta be bet'r Anon. Come on, it's mine!"

Anon mentally screamed. This was a royal mess. What happened if he picked the wrong ass. What would the loser do to him? Wait a minute. That was it! Maybe he should pick based on the outcome instead of his actual opinion and totally ignore Applejack's warning about lying.

She was the Element of Honesty, not a lie detector.

Whoever lost would probably be angry and crush him with said losing ass. Just to prove he chose wrong.
So the loser should be the ass that posed the least danger.

But Anon's hand froze just before it could give "The Best Ass" honor to Applejack. What if the winner decided to "reward" him?

Rainbow loved having her ego stroked and there was little doubt she'd give him something for picking her flank. And then there was Applejack who had really come to like him and his desire to be useful despite his miniature size.

Oh no, now a friendship could be on the line!

He grit his teeth, arm going limp. Anon was going to have a heart attack at this rate. What should he do? Whose ass should he pick?

Earth pony or pegasus?!

Then, like a revelation from heaven, his darting eyes found an escape.

"Hurry up Anon," Rainbow snorted.

"TWILIGHT HAS THE BEST ASS!!"

"What?!" everypony gaped.

Twilight's face lit up bright red. Her tail tucked between her legs. Her eyes grew as large as dinner plates.

Applejack and Rainbow blinked in shocked silence for several moments.

"Twilight has the best ass!" Anon shouted again, crossing his arms confidently.

Yep. Nopony could hope to compete with the magically enhanced ass of an alicorn princess.

---

"Anon!" Mouse screamed.

"Tell my wife I said hello!" Anon hollered just as his failing balance sent him backwards over the ledge.

The next thing Anon knew, he was rolling down a hill of cream colored fur as it gradually became steeper and steeper. Slipping further and further down into the canyon as another furry wall closed in.

"Is this the end?!"

Suddenly, his legs were wedged into a crevice, trapped in place. He grunted, his arms flailing uselessly over his head as he slid down between the two cliffs of flesh.

"You okay down there?!" Mouse yelled.

"Yeah! Just... get her attention... or something."

Mouse blinked. "How?!"

Above the pair, Milky Way, owner of the world's largest cleavage, stared tiredly at a television. Currently playing was a badly made Daring Do cartoon rip off that was slowly putting her to sleep.

"I don't know," Anon whined, squirming in place. "Dance on her nose or something."

"O-okay," Mouse saluted dutifully.

Milky yawned and scratched one of her perky nipples through the fabric of her pajamas, making her entire bust jiggle and her bra creak.

Deep in her cleavage Anon howled as her delicious mountains of boob flesh smothered him, his body threatening to pop like a grape.

"Make it quick Mouse!"

Mouse took off up the hill of Milky's breast, stumbling after a few steps and forced to crawl the rest of the way.

With a handful of fur in his grip, he grumbled. "Note to self, magic hates humans."

With that, the mite sized man continued on his mission to get Milky's attention and save his best friend.

---

"Sure, I can spare some change for your pathetic kind," Filthy Rich sneered down to the tiny human. He then reached into his bag and tossed a single coin high into the air. Then, without even waiting for it to come down, the snooty pony turned and began walking away.

Anon stared up into the sky as the ominous shadow danced. Suddenly, his eyes widened when he realized where it was going to land.

What Rich lacked in manners, he certainly made up for with his aim.

The mite sized human ducked down and covered the back of his neck for whatever good it would do him.

The meteor sized gold piece crashed down, sending a shock wave shooting out in all directions. Anon was splattered into red paste, a quick and probably painless death.

The bit bounced several times along the ground before rolling to a stop and falling over. Some time passed and a young filly happened upon the same coin. She smiled at her luck, but when she turned the piece over and spotted a tiny red dot, she scratched her head. Eventually she shrugged and rushed home, eager to add the bit to her piggy bank.