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Filled with Worry by ZilchyMisadventures (critique requested)

"Two hourth.. two hourth... two hourth.... why hathn't AD come back yet?"
Sollux wandered in the living room Trying to make sense of the situation.
Before this, Andrew told Sollux that he was going to help a artistic friend. The maximum of hours that Andrew said he might be gone was two hours.
Now it was about three hours and thirty minutes.

"Oh man... Andrew.. pleathe come back. I mith you." Sollux said to himself as he rushed to the fridge.
The pudgy raccoon grabbed a cake the two were saving for later, and He started to take bites out of the cake.
Sollux blushed gold. He almost patted himself on the back. For his first cake he did well.
Although he did good, it didn't help his stress. He continued eating.
He sat down on the couch, eating the cake still. He was at through least one quarter of it.
"Mmm.. Nngh....Nnn..." Tiny mewls and moans were comming from the raccoon, making him shiver with pleasure.
The minutes dwindled away as he was now into half of the cake,his belly with a bit more added pudge than usual.

About two hours pass. Sollux is on the couch heavily breathing, He's rubbing his stomach to make it feel better.

"Hey Sollux, I'm home." Andrew said, two minutes later. "Where are you?" He asked.
"I'm here in the burp Living room" Sollux replied

"What happened while I was gone? Looks like you just ate the cake we were saving." Andrew said.
"I got worried!" Sollux replied.

The pudgy red fox came over and sat down next to the raccoon. "You nerd." He said, while rubbing Sollux's stomach

"Thorry." Sollux lisped.
"It's okay" Andrew repied. "I wasn't that hungry anyway."

Filled with Worry (critique requested)

ZilchyMisadventures

Submission Information

Views:
386
Comments:
4
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Rating:
General
Category:
Literary / Story

Comments

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    Let me ask you one question: What sort of feelings and thoughts do you want to leave your readers with before the work is done?

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      I want them to feel happy at the end. If that counts.

      • Link

        If you want your readers to feel happy at the end, try exploring what can instill a feeling of joy within the reader. To do that takes hours upon hours of thinking and observing. With the effort that you will have put in in those hours, you show your dedication to everyone who follows you and reads or watches your work.