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Latest Journal

I did this wrong

I did this wrong. Looking back, finally seeing what all I have done, back during such a very stressful time in my life, I realize I approached this whole situation wrong. I isolated myself because I was afraid of the pain. I discarded this account because I was afraid of conflict and of trying to sort out so much of what others were going through. I wasn't being an attention whore. I was being an idiot, but not really to get attention.

I took on the issues of others as a way to ignore my own problems. I took on mediation between others because I couldn't find solace within my own thoughts. I opened myself up so much that I was in physical pain from caring too much about how others felt and reacted to me, and to other friends. Whether or not how I handled this correctly is, actually, not even the point. It's already done. I left this account because I was reacting in pain and fear, and I let it determine the outcome, instead of rising above it. It was a mistake, and to everyone that I basically abandoned over the years, I apologize.

I don't think there's any way I can make it up to anyone, it's been way too long. However, if anyone wants to give me a second chance, or possibly third, or... I don't know, for a few of you it might be a much higher number...anyway, if you would give me that privilege, I will cherish it deeply and do my best not to lose it again. I was a royal idiot back then, so I can understand if I burned that bridge to a crisp after so long. But I made a promise to a few friends that I can't even have that kind of opportunity with again, and they're permanently gone. I will keep bridges open on my side. No matter what happened back then, no matter who did what, I don't care about that anymore. Life is too short to worry about that kind of thing. The past is the past. I want to see the future with my friends. All of them. Even if we parted on really bad terms, I don't care about that. I will always keep it open on my side. I'll spread this message as far and wide as I can.

All other deprecated accounts will show this, and I'll link my current social profiles here and wherever I have access. If you truly want contact, I will do my best to keep it with you. It may not be daily, and it may not even be weekly. But I will keep contact the best that I can.

I'm not perfect. I'm not going to try to be perfect, like I did before. That is what truly broke me. I have DID from quite a bit of this, so hopefully that can explain some of the more questionable things that I did, back then. I'm learning, and trying to heal, from when I went through college. It did a lot of harm, trying to shoulder so many things and ignoring my own issues to try to take care of others. However, I don't regret the friends I made back then. I don't even regret the people that I had fallen out with, and those interactions, because I know I was messed up at the time. Perspective can do a lot of things.

Anyway, I'll leave it at this. Even if I don't talk to another person from that time, I do hope you are doing well. I still care, even after all of this time, and I haven't forgotten the good that I saw in any person during that time. Please take care, and if I never get a chance to interact with you again, I want you to have a good life. Nobody deserves pain and misery. We are all troubled and burdened in this life, and I believe those that I encountered all had some kindness within the at some point. I only hope that kindness has flourished, despite my absence.

-Sammonaran, Wasdramer, Raiok Incaris, Ashanriu Rivnica, Zyraph Chronicros

Edit: Current social media accounts are linked at https://zyraph.drag.li

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    *Ahem* RAI!

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      *pounces and clings* <3

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        Utterly forgot about this. Hai though! ^^

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    Thanks for the watch ^^

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      And thank you for the watch back ^.=.^

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    Thank you for following me, I will try to update my new home soon ^^

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      It's no problem ^.=.^ and thanks so much for following back! :3

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    Doth mine eyes deceive me?

    ...I believe not!

    *glomps*