Sign In

Forgot your password? No account yet?
Avatar for rickigator


23 / Demiguy (he/they) / Toronto, Canada

rickigator’s avatar

I'm seriously considering just giving up on art entirely.

Why even bother trying anymore? It's not even about earning clout or validation from anyone for it, it's not about my inability to make what I want like my 2020 meltdown, it's that with the current way everything is going there will be nowhere and no one to show it to. Yes, this is about the increa…

rickigator’s avatar

So it's been a while.

You'd thought after I posted that journal when I was at rock bottom and stopped drawing two and half years ago you'd never see me again, right? Guess again. I have some explaining to do. In short, I basically burned out extremely hard due to a combination of Dexit making drawing Pokémon feel awful…

rickigator’s avatar

I give up

Title says it all. Don't expect any more """art""" from me. None of it is ever good enough for anyone, none of it even looks good, it's all the same trash. Nothing I do ever makes it any better. In the end, I wasted six years of my life for nothing. It was all just to seek attention to begin with,…

rickigator’s avatar

Number Nine(teen)

"Or worse, a stroke of good fortune that will inevitably end with consequences equally or more devastating than before." - me, 2018 The year had so much promise. Then the months dragged on, I burned out, I watched everything I love fall apart, and I've probably lost the last semblance of hope I had…

rickigator’s avatar

I want to leave but I have nowhere to go

I've been here for four years. I know you all might've thought I quit (I burned out on art), but I'm still here, probably against my better judgment. It's been my go-to repository for posting my art throughout the years, but it seems that this time it's all come crashing down, eh? After a year and…

rickigator’s avatar


Just went through and sorted all my art by year. No, I'm not dead and that first piece of 2019 was not the last piece of 2019, I just need to remember my tablet exists and oh who am I kidding everyone will be confused. Hi yes hello, I'm a thing. I've been around since September 2015, back when I wa…

rickigator’s avatar

Crazy Eight(een)

What even: the year. It's all felt like a bizarro repeat of the past two years in which everything went to hell (again), then for whatever reason got better. It feels inexplicable. Attempts at reconciliation...let's just say they were mixed. I suppose I've begun to realize learned helplessness has…

rickigator’s avatar

And I'm an adult now (in theory)

Today's my birthday! Since it's my 18th, this means in theory I am now an adult. I'm...not exactly happy? I mean, I would've liked to not have continuing feelings of loneliness, hopelessness and having done awful bad no good things, and not have wasted the past three years doing said no good things…

rickigator’s avatar

An (open) apology

Dear whoever it may concern, I apologize for the many, many wrongdoings I have committed from the years 2015 to 2017. These include: Exploding at someone for reblogging/reposting/re-[thing] from someone I didn’t like, or someone (re)posting things I don’t like. Guilt-tripping. Using people as middl…

rickigator’s avatar

Slowdown (aka: I just whine again)

Hi. You might've noticed my art's slowed to a crawl, if you're one of the few who follow/watch me on this site. This was the result of multiple things... My declining mental state. Many, many, many reckless things I did and drama I caused eventually took its toll on me, shackling me with a lot of g…

rickigator’s avatar

Unhappy New Year

Well. There's only four or so hours left in this garbage year at the time of writing. After everything that's happened, from everyone shutting me out to losing confidence in my ability to draw to my physical health becoming a trainwreck to the growing feeling I'm an undesirable...I can't be bothere…