https://www.weasyl.com/journal/90136/i-don-t-think-i-belong-anymore

I've been trying to talk more after last week about how I feel about stuff, and trying to I guess be more social in general? It's hard though. I feel like I can't do it right, or that I'm somehow saying/doing the wrong thing. I don't know, maybe I just make bad judgement calls.

I keep finding it so hard to find people who agree with me or relate to things that might bother me, whether they're big problems or just little "it just bugs me" sort of issues. I try not to be too much of a negative or whiny person, at least in tone, but it feels like I might as well be on another planet when talking to people. All I get are more questions, misunderstanding, disagreements, and so forth.

I've been trying to involve myself more with the people I talk to, find things we can do together, but that hasn't lead me anywhere. I get a lot of I dunno's or "what do YOU do?" and just a general indecisiveness to participate with me that, while I can relate to, just doesn't make me feel like I'm welcomed. (I don't have a lot of multiplayer games because of this reason...) I get similar results from wanting do try things like RPing again, or doing trades, or blowing the dust off Open Canvas. I understand if people aren't social, but it makes it so much harder for me to try when there doesn't feel like any cooperation.

Maybe I'm just too impatient, too frustrated and angry still. It makes me feel really alienated, despite my recent efforts. I don't expect results overnight, but at the same time nothing gets my confidence up right now.