To The Beach by GrimsonLime

Between 7 and 7:30pm est My life long friend passed away at the beach where I had promised to take him.
I'd like to say he passed away without pain but if you can imagine suffocating, that was how he went, while I stroked his chest to somewhat ease his pain.
I know what death looks like. I know what it's like to see a person slowly pass away gasping for breath because I was there to see my mom pass this way. Gasping for air from lungs that no longer work.
I know a lot of you who watch me here won't know what to say and that's ok. But I'm very simple and sometimes hugs are ok. Sometimes just telling me you're here is enough.

I must have some real shitty luck to go through this twice this year and I'm not even half way through 2015.
Dexter's 19th birthday would have been June 16th.
My Mom's 53rd birthday would have been April 26th.

So... what's next for me? It's going to be hard to look forward. I concentrate so much on the past and right now I feel comfortable pretending they are here but waking up without seeing his back every morning is going to be so very hard on me. I've never connected so well with another creature before. I've never felt so happy everyday just having them as a part of my life. A limb. A release. A happiness. I'll never have another cat like him and he takes 18 years of me with him wherever his next journey is. I'll love him for the rest of mine.

To The Beach

GrimsonLime

20 May 2015 at 23:59:18 MDT

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    I'm sorry Grim. I'm so sorry. I feel your pain. I know how it is to lose your lifelong companion, and I'm so sorry.

    At least you made it to the beach. Even if the end was hard, I'm sure he was happy you were there with him.

    • Link

      Well I got to hold him a little. No stories this time but he got to hear me laugh. Which wasn't something he could have heard in that cramped apartment. I haven't been able to laugh much.
      I let his paws clench the sand. Another beach he's visited. My little baby.

      I lost him yes. But I lost my adopted mother April 1st and she worshiped Bast so maybe she finally gets to meet him or maybe he's stubborn and still here with me. My life long companion. He is the stubborn type who refuses to listen to me.

      Thank you Crow. For commenting. For reading.
      --hug--

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    I'm sure you made your little buddy so happy by taking him to the beach. You made him happy, he loves you very much even now; trust me. He'll be there with you even if you're unable to physically see him with your eyes. He'll be watching over you much like your adoptive mother. They love you very much even now. Don't ever forget that. They want you to keep fighting and going; they both wanted you to be happy.

    I want you to carry on. It will be hard. It's never easy to lose someone so important. I experienced the same thing you did before but it wasn't with animals. It was two people very close to me and they passed at nearly the same time. The only grandmother I ever got to see and the uncle who had been there through my whole life; that fun guy you were always excited to see. Two people gone in my life literally one day and then the other. One passed, the day went through, the next passed the other day, almost that same night and I only got to see one of them. The other I could only cry over rather than say a proper good-bye.

    You got to say a proper good-bye to your companions in life. That's more than a lot of people can really ask for; at least from my family. I didn't learn my dad had been in the hospital one time because no one told me until he had already gone and been there for a few days and had an operation. No one informed me of his condition or that he was in the hospital. I had to call when he didn't contact me and had to be told by my brother already AFTER the bad had happened. If they waited and he had passed away I couldn't have made it there to even say good-bye to the man who brought me into the world and the one who protected me from my mother and my whole life and even now tries to take care of me even though he shouldn't.

    I'm so sorry you lost them. I'm really sorry you lost them and it really just is not easy... but you can do this and make it through, even if you cry a lot or for a long time... you will recover and step up again. People are more resilient than they gives themselves credit for.

    I am sure you being there was the absolute BEST gift you could give him.

    -Hugs- It will be okay over time and so long as you never forget about them; they will always live on within you. Your memory will be what keeps them alive in your heart.