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Gotta vent it out (Don't read if you don't care) by Galaxyqueen

I don't know if it's my narcotic pain killers making me loopy, but I feel like I want to share this. I can't get it out of my head anyway. I remember the first time I went to the hospital vividly, the pain I was in, my 159 heart rate, how dehydrated and malnourished I was. I was like a zombie, I didn't know what was going on, the people were just blurs and I couldn't understand what they were saying. It was just dulled out noise instead of actual voices. All I could feel was the pain and nothing else. I couldn't even feel the IV being put in. All I could focus on was the clock on the wall in front of me in the critical care room. I wasn't even thinking, I was just there, like a soul-less husk. I didn't realize at the time I was right on death's door step. Just a few more days and I would have died had I not been taken to the hospital. But I do now and it scares me, everytime I think about it I break down. I can't talk to anybody about it without crying. Am I weak? Over sensitive? I thought after the worst passed I would be ok, but I'm not. Do I need to get some psychological help? But my predicament helped me realize one thing: Life can end at any moment, so do the things you want to do now because it may be too late to do them if you wait. So if somebody asks me "Don't you regret doing that?" If it's something I wanted to do, then I'm gonna look them straight in the eye and say "I nearly died once, I'm done being afraid of what other people think of me and holding myself back because of it." Which is why I'm not afraid to do or say things I wouldn't have done before. In a way it has helped me, it's made me braver. It also really made me grow up. Though I will never be the same again. So, to anyone hesitating to do something they've always wanted to do, (as long as it's not illegal or bad for your health or something shitty over all) then just do it. You don't know how much time you've got left, life can just surprise you.

Gotta vent it out (Don't read if you don't care)

Galaxyqueen

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