Sign In
Close
"Life will kick you in the teeth." by jonas
Serious Entry Time. Skip if you'd rather not hear me philosophize and such, but I had to get this off my chest.
"Life will kick you in the teeth." That's something my Jewish grandfather would say.
He never said that to me, and I'm grateful for that. I barely knew him on a personal level, as he passed away when I was about seven or eight. I only have vague memories of him reading stories to me and such in his soft, nasal grandpa voice. I think if he had said that to me when I was a kid, it would have messed me up. Rather, I know he said that because my aunt told me the other day about it.
He'd reserve his charming little saying for those moments when my aunt or my mother, as teenagers, would express dreams about doing, well, pretty much anything. He didn't even see the point of them going to college. He talked my aunt out of being an artist and an animation major, and although she didn't quite say it in as many words, I know she regrets not pursuing it.
Grandpa grew up in the Polish ghetto, and served in World War II, so I'm sure that's where he got his sunny outlook. And fundamentally, I guess I can't really blame him for it. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to experience all that. Probably utterly horrible, sure. So I think I know where he's coming from.
But what a shitty piece of advice to pass on to a couple of hopeful young girls, huh? I know it affected my Mom, because to this day she's always wondering when I'm going to give up the art and get a "real" job. She doesn't say it in as many words, but that's what it is, fundamentally. I don't talk about that much, because I don't want to seek asspats, but it has undermined me so much.
In talking with other creative types (and, y'know, just other people as well) I've found that a lot of folks have hangups like this. It's one of the follies of being young. You allow yourself to be defined too much by the relationships you have to these grownups looming over you, because you don't know any better, and then when you break away from that and try to do something truly unique -- which is the core of creative endeavors like art -- it feels like you're betraying them. But it's just you, and it's just voluntary. The only one keeping you from filling that page is you, even if it feels like that memory, that fear, is gripping your hand and holding it in place.
I respect Grandpa for serving, and for raising Mom and my aunt, and for going on and making a life for himself and not giving in to that despair, even if he felt like it wasn't a worthwhile life. However, I absolutely refuse to inherit his attitude. I respect Mom for caring about me and wanting to raise me right, but I'm not going to give up drawing just because she doesn't value it. Even if I find other work, I'm never going to stop drawing. This will never stop being my passion. This is my real job.
Life will kick you in the teeth. But that's when you get right back up and kick life in the balls.
Journal Information
- Views:
- 398
- Comments:
- 7
- Favorites:
- 10
- Rating:
- General
Comments
-
-
"Life will kick you in the teeth. But that's when you get right back up and kick life in the balls." This is a better saying....
-
You write so well, and the feelings of being held back, having to uphold other's ideas, and then feeling like betraying/etc hit really close to home for me. I've been struggling a lot with that, but add in my mother didn't pursue her art, and thinks the subject of my drawings (ie adult content) is just... well she makes that noise over the phone I can imagine belongs to a face that says it's all awful, low class, crass stuff. So she thinks I should do art for a living, just something more.. respectable. Eyeroll Which amuses me to no end from a woman who majored in Greek art, and how much of that is about rape, sex and nudity? (hint : way more than they lead you to believe)
My grandmother's best friend growing up was told to "settle down and get married", and she did - forsaking a career in art. I've seen her early paintings, they are amazing, and it's tragic she (and many others) were told to essentially just be a wife for a career. I still see examples of women being cut down, told to go back home and into the kitchen, and it's hard to feel if - well if those amazing artists have to scrabble to get what recognition they do, then how could I ever attain even half that? I get why some people do this to the women in their lives (usually insecurity or dividing tasks so they can be taken care of/get done) but it's just... well now more than ever you really can't have a one bread winner household. Sorry to trail off topic a bit, it just strikes very close to home, all of it, being female and feeling very drowned by the whims, wills and dictates of others (point blank or the ghosts of beratings past).
-
Hoorah.
-
It's hard to take parental advice for what it is, especially when you're a kid. They're passing the light of experience through to you, but it's coming through the stained glass mosaic that is their life, and if you can't take it for what it is then it'll quite literally color your view of reality.
It's very rare that parents mean ill when they give the advice that they do. I try to teach people not to listen to the specific words of advice, but to hear the urgency and care in their voice, and to feel their desire to protect you from their own experiences and mistakes. Sometimes what they have to say doesn't apply to you, or is coming from a bitter and jaded point of view, but if you can look past that you can still see that they're going out of their way to try to steer you away from the path that made them the way they are today.
They may be wrong, and some may be mean about it, but they are still trying to help, in the limited ways they can.
-
I appreciate your uniquely violent determination for living
-
Hmmm, what a story to ponder on. I may talk more of this to you later if we're ever on at the same time anymore
But, whenever people have that attitude, I remember the song Kick in the Teeth by Papa Roach
"You're setting me free with one more kick in the, teeth!"
Link
GuineaPigDan
"Life will kick you in the teeth. But that's when you get right back up and kick life in the balls." You should have that as your artist statement. Maybe make a poster of it too. But seriously, that's a pretty heavy story. Sounds like your grandpa went through a lot, and I could only imagine how discouraging that your mom is wondering when you'll get a "real" job. You're following your passions though and that's what should matter.