2015 began in general malaise of apathy, sadness, anger and that overwhelming sense of pointless hopelessness that comes with depression topped off by Seasonal Affective Disorder.

All I want to do is sleep and sleep and sleep even more. When I am in a rare state of wakefulness I struggle to do anything worthwhile and my Borderline makes me act out.

I don't know if 2015 will be any better than 2014; right now the lack of sunlight is probably making me feel even worse about this year than I should, though it's never been this bad before. Maybe I'm giving this year too much of a hard time considering it's only 4 days into it but it's all I know so far, so.

To be truthful I'm back to feeling like I'd be better off dead and gone again. My girlfriend wouldn't have to worry about me trying to talk to her every day; my friends wouldn't have to listen to the repetetive whining and general apathy; my family wouldn't have to live with the burden of a mentally insufficient child who struggles with the most basic tasks associated with adulthood. All in all I feel like a waste of space that would be better suited for someone more deserving and less... useless.

So here's to 2015; a year where hopefully I become more than the fetid lump of apathy I have grown to be. Maybe.