I'm an ass and I shouldnt be respected.
All I ever did was shook my bridges and yelled at people. None were actually burnt.
I probably wont be myself for about a month or so. Trying to go back into things. Unwrapping the chains around me. Getting out of the mentality that there are chains everywhere. Sitting back and taking a breather. Mending things. Mending relationships.
My trust is still very broken in general, and it will be for a long time. I'll figure it out though.
Quinn is the demon on my right shoulder. Donovan is the demon on my left shoulder. Or perhaps I am Donovan and all I have on my shoulders are two Quinns, and damien's kinda like the church guy who's like.. dude. you have two dogs on your shoulder. what the fuck man.
-> right Quinn: Kill yourself.
-> left Quinn: kill right quinn.
->right Quinn: nono. I take it back. I take it back. kill left quinn.
-> picks them both up and tosses them into the offering bin.
Hey. You. I'm gonna just say this and fuck if I sound anxious or stammer or what the fuck I say because I'm fucking saying it.
You are a goddamn beautiful being. Every single part of you. You are not your flaws. You are you, and you have flaws. But you are not those flaws. Those flaws are not your name. They do not define everything about you; they only define a part of you. But who doesn't have flaws? Everyone has a shitty side, even I do. Even that next door neighbour back when you were five years old has flaws, and even God themselves has flaws because this world is fucked, and that was a flaw in God's creation of everything. Reality itself is flawed.
BUT, and hear me out on this. There is no reason to shut those flaws in a box and pretend they don't exist. Because they fucking do. And if there is misery or isolation and suffering happening because of reality's flaws, then that has to be accepted. Don't beat yourself down for your flaws. Accept them, work with them, and turn those flaws into a tool for survival. It sounds absurd, I know, but it can be done. It's a matter of taming the fears and reminding yourself that those fears only define a part of you, and not the whole of you.
If you need to just take a break, sit back, re-evaluate and create some boundaries for yourself, then by all means go ahead and do that. Your self care is important, and it's crucial to prioritise yourself sometimes. Because you are fucking suffering, and you have every right to decide just how much you want this shitty terrible world to make you suffer. If you want to kick the can, kick the fucking can. That decision still comes down to you, because it is your universe you are living in and you perceive it in your own way. You interact with it in your own way. You have the right to shape your universe into what you want it to be.
Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all. What matters now is YOU. Take care of YOU.
-> lights universe on fire. tosses all the quinns into the goodwill donation bin.
-> tosses self into donation bin.
....
hugs you the world is shitty. the world is so shitty.
Link
Zrcalo
my first instinct is to shove everyone I know away from me, because they might hurt me. But that only leads to me being more isolated, and I shouldnt do that.