This past weekend was Halloween and over all I'd say the holiday itself went well. For the first time in nearly 10 years I got to enjoy Halloween and I also almost ran out of candy to hand out to kids. The secret, damned if I know. To be honest there's been a lot of families moving in some new construction and a lot of the trick or treaters seemed to come in waves with familes. Parents dressed up too so that was nice to see. Only two teenagers who didn't even try to dress up came to my door, bonus my graveyard and set up there in scared them and a lot of the kids. Now you'd think kids would be crying but most were scared at first but when I got to the door all smiling they cheered up. I got a ton of compliments for the graveyard set up, ghost,and the slight haunting/scariness of it all. Some parent were scared as indicated by them jumping back when a motion activated ghost started floating up and down. By 8pm I was out of candy so I spent the rest of the night watching some old movies on TMC.

Saturday and Sunday were a mixed bag. Weather was rainy and snowy. Rain Saturday, snow Sunday. Saturday I got to watch the 1st part of the beginning of the end of the current run of Doctor Who which was good also got a ton of errands done. Sunday was a lazy day and I hate to admit it a tough one. I saw some rumblings about FP and everyone having fun. Yeah it got me down. Not helping things was Friday I got a $480 medical bill that I was not expecting. I spent some of the weekend pouring over budgets trying to find out how I could pay it. Even thought about cancelling my Thanksgiving vacation to St. Louis. I didn't get the bill til Friday so couldn't call the office, Monday I called and set up a payment plan that's actually less than what I was planning on paying, bonus there still going to pay it off as quickly as I can.

It was almost as if the powers that be told me, don't go to FP and here's a good reason not to you got a bill so you can't afford it any way! I am now convinced that the Fates are fucking with me. I did manage to fix a toilet this weekend so at least I can shit my frustrations out well.

On a personal note and adding to the reason I couldn't make it I went to my therapist. Now my insurance does to a point cover these sessions but I do have to pay some out of pocket for them. I went first thing last Tuesday morning. It went well and I don't wish to go over what was discussed but I felt good and that trend continued til about today. I can blame the weather but that seems a cope out. Right now it's a mix bag of feeling that whatever I create is a hack at best compared to what others create. I honestly don't see much improvement in my creative output. This leads to frustration which leads to more crappy work which leads to feeling ill equipped and the cycle goes on. My therapist did say to just do it, never mind what others think. But what others think isn't the problem it's what I think. I think I suck. This too has been discussed with the therapist. I try to think positive and happy and for the most part I am but these moments. These soul crushing moments and don't think I like them because I don't. Who could? Still they happen.

As for FP, yeah I missed it. I didn't miss the running around like an idiot as in Furfright. I don't think I'll ever miss that laughs but I did miss my friends. It seems like things just happen or the stars align just right that I can't make these things nor see my friends. It's disheartening to say the least. To try and make the right calls and do the right thing only to have life bitch slap you with it's angry warty penis. I was told I'd be dragged to next years and to be honest I am not sure how to feel about that statement. Do I have to be dragged somewhere to have fun? Is that where my life has gone where someone has to force me to have fun. Seems rather counter to the fun if you ask me.

Anyway that concludes this wall of text and scribbles that is my life. By the way I want to try and do Nanowrimo. I think it would help me. Trouble is I have no idea what kind of story to tell. Any ideas out there? If you say write a story about a sad werewolf I will be forced to hunt you down and gut you like a fish. :P