Apologies everyone for being silent still and not quite producing yet.

This week has just been... I don't know how to even start to describe it, but the stress has been mounting to the point sugar (ie candy) is starting to look good again. That's a near-sure death sentence for me if I go near them again.

Been feeling incredibly inadequate in my skills, incapacity to be 'good enough' in the things asked to do, and very... VERY replaceable... As was made theatrically and dramatically clear earlier this evening while I was trying to take care of myself after going almost six hours after breakfast and yearning for a moment to take a breather so I could at least continue. Having no vehicle to speak of, juggling with my brother over the third family car between two towns, and no ability to take on a job outside the house to at least get time AWAY from it, doesn't help at all.

My pets are also suffering under this blanket depression after being confronted about my incapacity to clean them today even though the trash bag and roll of paper towels were in plain sight on the bed with the plan to have done it earlier in the day. It would have been so had the bathtub not proven more trouble cleaning than realized. I'm seriously debating in the depths of this gloom to re-home all three of my reptiles.. just.. get them out.. gone.. one less thing to be targeted with.. I know fully well that it's the emotions talking, but it's still a very strong impulse.

Even considering working on my projects/commissions/writing/ART-IN-GENERAL, including the kirin-faun costume that somehow magically needs to be done on days off that seem determined to be nonexistent by December for a show I found myself somehow looped into, is producing that dreaded sensation of, "If I indulge in taking care of myself emotionally doing this, then I'm not doing something right by the house..." At best I can crawl onto SL in the late night and poke at a few prims before crashing two hours later.

I have no idea when my life is going to settle, if at all, or when I'll truly feel in place to continue my art and hopefully reclaim some of my sanity. I'm really hoping it's sooner than later.