Whelp, 2012 is almost gone. In my opinion? Thank god.

Don't get me wrong, there were great moments in this year, like getting to 2 cons in a year for once, including what was in most attendees' opinions the best ever (MFF 2012). At the later, I made a huge epiphany, getting over a personal barrier that even my therapist was impressed with. I've grown independent again, and have met a TON of really awesome people this year, for whom I'm truly grateful, I love you all! <3

But for the most part? Shit. I graduated college the PRIOR year - 2011. This was supposed to be the year for me. Now 2012 is about over, I haven't even gotten started in my professional career. Hell, that's what got me through college, the idea that pushing through that muck would unlock my future. Not just because "I have the piece of paper," but because I know I'm good at what I do (video production). I regularly catch blinding things wrong with programs and, moreso, commercials. I see shit, and I tell myself "I know I can do better than that, and THEY have a job?"

I was also diagnosed with (high-functioning) Asperger's this summer. I don't see this as a terrible thing though. Kinda sucks to be told, in not so elegant terms, you have something wrong in your head. I've been struggling with this a lot since then, and doing my best to work with my counselor and doctors on it, and it has made me more aware of the behaviors I have to change, though more often than not, that realization is BECAUSE I just demonstrated it. Which feels like shit. I hold myself to a high standard, and I beat myself up internally when I slip up. I guess that's my own way of teaching myself to improve? At the very least it's helped me identify what to work on, got me meds that are helping with my anxiety (the biggest factor for me), but it's certainly not all been a smooth, happy experience.

I did have a job since May at a hookah bar for a 'for-now' job, but it wasn't perfect. The owner mis-ran that place, and drama dropped big time near the end of my stay there on top of the stress of dealing with customers, both difficult, and large numbers. I got back from MFF, and the next day I find out I've been taken off the schedule, and it sounded like firing basically. I got my last paycheck, and the owner offered my job back, but because of the way he mistreated us with that drama, I said thanks but no thanks. I thought, "You know, it's time to move on with my life and focus on my career, or it's never gonna happen." Nearly 2 months later, not even a nibble. (Because of this job situation, as well as the holidays, I've been getting behind on a lot of stuff on FA/Weasyl as well, so bear with me x.x)

Other major things that happened this year? My mom developed an atypical lung cancer and had to have immediate surgery. The lower lobe of her left lung was removed and had to stay home from work to recover for a couple months, which kicked in temporary disability pay, so less to go around for the family. The surgery did go well, and she's now back to work -- sort of. My dad has had 2 strokes this year within 8 months of each other. The first one at the beginning of the year was temporary and relatively minor. The one that just happened about 2.5 months ago was not as much. His motor skills weren't affected at all, however, it did hit the language center of his brain. He could still talk, and he knew what objects he was looking at, or what he was trying to explain or say, but the correct word either escaped him or the wrong one came out. This has been scary since he made a career out of being a technical writer - writing technical product manuals. He's been on temporary disability now too, receiving only a third of what he normally makes, and we're not even sure if he's going to be able to go back to work still. So I've had very little private time, little money is left to support our family unit, tempers and frustration are high... things haven't been sound here. This on top of the fact that my parents don't respect me (despite their insistance), but that's another story. All this is another reason I've decided it's time to move on with my life and get in my career. Now.

Along with a few other heart-stopping, life-altering events (which I would rather not talk publicly about, but many probably are at least aware of), and being screwed on my suit a while back still preventing me form another and doing SOMETHING to participate in and do something active in this community that means so much to me, it's been a challenging year that's had me face down in the mud a lot. But I guess a positive I'd like to think is that I've grown a fair bit personally from the adversity. But I dunno, it's hard to reflect on a lot of this and say "Yeah, that was totally worth it."

And so, to you, 2012, I have one last thing to say:

And to all of you people reading this, I hope 2012 treated you all better than it did me (Though I know a lot of you had a similarly crappy year), and that 2013 holds way more good for us all than that bitch 2012 did.