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to all my followers and friends - sitrep: paternal abuse and escaping home by Accelerando

hi, to all my followers and friends

i want you all to know that i'm having a really bad time in my life right now, and i'm not sure if i'll be here much, or at all, in the coming weeks, or months. i have had a talk with a friend about it, and i've decided that i'm going to pack up and leave, one way or another, because my situation at home is just becoming too much to deal with anymore, i've been dealing with it for fifteen years and i've had enough of it.

please read this chatlog between us, because it explains everything in a way i can't muster right now and i don't want to have to type that out again or think about it again. please read it, and understand that i cannot put up with this bullshit anymore, because i have talked to people before (and to be honest, i have been this person) who i feel like i practically have to fight with to even care that i have problems with my parents, or to get more than a response like "you should just work harder and do what he says, maybe you can get something out of it, he's right you know, you should just suck it up and take it, because it'll be on you for passing up that opportunity if you don't".

the short of it is that my dad is becoming very, very pressuring and i am about to break. i know i sound like a broken record at this point but i can't stand to stay here anymore, because i know that if i want anything, i have to put up with bullshit every day for the rest of this year at the very least, and probably another. my situation is shit. i flunked out of university because of depression and anxiety that i can't talk about in front of my dad (he dismisses it as something "in my head" that i should have "gotten over" long ago) and i don't know if i'll be able to afford to go to community college for a long while after this. if i do not comply with everything he tells me, and feel the pressure for the next year or more, he will throw me onto the street (and he has told me that he will not be happy if i spend "too much" time looking for a job that i can actually get on the side, so there's that, too).

i'm going to call some of my last remaining IRL friends and beg for them to take me in. i'm going to help out as much as i can, and i'm going to get a job. i need to be free. i need to get out of here. i will need to be sneaky about taking my electronics out of the house, somehow, because i know he will take those away if i don't prove myself to him (i.e. do his projects) and i am certain that if i am not sneaky about it, he will try to find a way to brick my electronics - especially my phone - out of spite.

i want to open up for commissions or some paid artwork eventually, but i'm not sure if i can do that without fear YET because my mom has authority over my bank account, and my dad might hold her family hostage until she buckles and closes it out or does something worse. i'm not sure how finances work, if i can even get housing.

i'm thankful for any help and any responses anyone can give. and thank you for being my friends and followers, i know i don't always reply to your comments and stuff swiftly, but i really do appreciate every single one of you and your appreciation drives me forward.

thank you

to all my followers and friends - sitrep: paternal abuse and escaping home

Accelerando

Journal Information

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Comments

  • Link

    I can only wish you good luck with this.

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      dankesehr. i hope i will grow skilled, as well as lucky

  • Link

    I hope you can find somewhere safe to go... If it's this bad, staying where you are is no longer an option. Anywhere you can find to go, go there, and try to rebuild your life.

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      thank you c: i've got two offers, i'm going to see if i can't get to looking at this shared apartment space my friend is offering me, today... i hope it will all cinch. i'm grateful for your emotional support as well, you are a light in the dark to me... ty again.

  • Link

    That awful feeling.
    Good luck, Enola. I don't know what to say more to you, me, or anyone.
    GL. Escape is the correct word.

  • Link

    Good luck and I hope you manage to find a good way out of this situation. Do you know about couchsurfing.org ? Could have a look there?

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      thank you, i signed up for an account there, i'll look into it. how trustworthy is it generally? like do they take down abusive couch ads quickly? idk but thank you so much for your help!

  • Link

    if you're anywhere near georgia/atlanta you're welcome to crash here!! ♥

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      thank you! i wish i was closer, i'm on the other coast though. ; v ;

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    A bit too far away to offer help in the readily tangible kind, but I wish you only the best of luck in regards to finding your out. Here's to your freedom and to a better life that you sorely deserve.

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      thanks! it really means a lot to me that you give me the thumbs up for this, to have emotional help pressing through, so really thank you lots.

  • Link

    If your going to follow through with anything, my friend, it should be running away. If he is one of those types to put his child down and stomp out their motivation to live, then, go for it.

    Personally I myself was planning to run away, once. But....For different reasons entirely, mind. Family issues did not compel me. Either way, it made me humble.
    I know a thing or two about living on your own, or getting there, more so. If you need any tip I'll be here. You might not know me the best but I want you to get out alive anyway. Good luck on the trek.

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      i would love to know, just, everything really... well, from the start, stuff i should pack, how i can stay focused in my work and job hunt... really everything i guess. thank you, seriously, i am really grateful for your support and help. i would love to carry this to PMs, or if i may, i will send you my skype or other instant messenger address. ty again <3

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        Alright. I just...Understand what it is like for the need of freedom. I'll give you my skype alright. If you want we can talk there and I'll tell you everything I know.

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    Do the things you need to so that you can do the things you want to. Leave everything else behind, it's a waste of your time and life. I hope that you find yourself in a better place soon~

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      see you on the other side. thank you :>

  • Link

    reading about abusive parents makes me angry as hell. I hope you get out of this bullshit one way or another.