A quick note: I am copying and pasting this from my FurAffinity journal but I feel this needs to be said anywhere I can say it. Also, despite some course language, I'm putting a "General" rating on this because it is that important, i believe. Also I am not on here often but in lieu of the subject matter, I will do my best to check in more often.

Sorry for the lack of a creative title, but I have more serious things to do with my time here.

Most of you already know that this is in response to the news of Robin Williams' death, apparently by suicide. For those of you who don't have that information yet, no it's not a joke. He's gone.

I'm going to be very forthcoming in this journal about some things I've experienced and had to deal with, and this is partly me just clearing my head. Most of what I really want to talk about is mental illness in general.

Some of you know that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. That might sound pretty benign, but the "Generalized" in that name actually means that people who have that can have anxiety problems, even anxiety attacks (the worst of which can have symptoms very similar to a heart attack) over something very small or even nothing at all. It's an over-reaction, but it's not one that we can really help. So what I have to do a lot of times is just stop. There are times I just can't operate or function until that feeling goes away, so what I have to do is try to relax myself as much as possible, and I am sorry to say more than a few times I have resorted to alcohol to do this. And yes, a lot of people with anxiety problems will use drugs and alcohol to help. Hell, a lot of people get prescribed stuff like Xanax, which is meant to be used only for the worst episodes, but I'm sure y'all can see it can go awry.

Another thing that I've noticed that I will do is when something happens that freaks or stresses me out, especially when it's out of my control, is I'll examine some routines I do like what order I do things when I brush my teeth and get ready for bed, and I'll try to find any changes I've made to that routine, even small ones: Do I take the cap off the toothpaste before I turn the water on? Things like that. And if there's nothing different I've done, then I will make a change and see if the "makes things better". If this sounds suspiciously like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder to some of you, I think it has just been fairly recently observed that OCD is an anxiety disorder. Some people thing that anxiety disorder might even be neurological problems, but I digress. Does this behavior make sense? Probably not. Is it logical? Nope. But it makes me feel better.

Obsessive-Compulsive behavior also is not limited to "germophobia" or being a neat freak. There's a variety of behaviors that people can engage in that can be considered obsessive-compulsive. So if someone you know does certain things, anything, pretty constantly even where there's obviously no need for it (even if it does make sense), it's something you should keep an eye on, although that does NOT necessarily mean they have OCD or anything like that.

What I'm kind of getting at with all this is through dealing with this, I have come to the realization that Depression is very, very similar. I don't understand what it's like to be depressed exactly, but I do know it's not at all what a lot of people think it is. I've known people who were depressed and the only thing they really knew is they had trouble getting out of bed and felt groggy the entire day. That sounds benign, but it can be a snowball effect. There are medications and treatments for Depression, but it takes time to find one that works, even marginally. Some cases are so bad that a last resort is Electro-shock therapy. But even when patients find a medication or treatment that does work, there are other pitfalls. Like a lot of medicine, some people stop taking it when they start feeling better. This is a very dangerous thing to do because when they stop taking the medication, like with many things, the body builds a resistance to it once it's had time to "recover" from it, and it takes a higher dosage to work again or the medication even stops working altogether.

In January of this year, a well-known internet reviewer known as JewWario killed himself. He was known to suffer from depression, but what I found remarkably disturbing was, contrary to what I had been told about people who intended to commit suicide, he'd made plans to go to events with other internet reviewers and personalities, made plans with friends and family, and made no hints or mentions (that I'm aware of) that he was contemplating suicide. The most horrifying thing about it though is that he locked himself in the bathroom with a gun, while his wife was begging him through the door not to do it and he did it.

The best thing I can explain depression and suicide, and even other mental illnesses or disorders as is they are monsters. They can't be justified, made logical, or anything and this is what a lot of people just don't understand. I even have trouble wrapping my head around it because I have never contemplated suicide. And the people left behind often have questions that just can't be answered. There are really very few effective ways to show or explain to others what it's like for the sufferer. And all it can take is one bad day, or one catalyst.

This is a one-page comic my friend linked me that shows it pretty accurately: http://thisisnthappiness.com/image/43368821170

It just grows and grows and gets heavier and heavier.

Don't worry, I'm wrapping this up. One reason I mentioned the JewWario thing and it directly ties into Robin Williams and a message I want to get out to as many people on here as possible is this: With this site being primarily an art site, and an art site for a subculture at that, there are people here who write, draw, paint, sing and make music, and all number of artistic things and to those people I want y'all to know that there is someone out there who you have touched, someone who enjoys your work. Some of these people you have not met or talked to even on this website. Some of them you will never meet, but they are out there and I realize this might not be a comfort but please let this incident show that even though it really might not seem like it, there is SOMEONE out there who will be absolutely devastated if you are gone.

To those who don't really do much in the way of art, writing , poetry, or any of those other things, the same thing applies. There is someone whose work you comment on and compliment, someone you have patronized in some way, even if you haven't taken a commission from them who would be very sad if you were suddenly just gone for whatever reason.

I can be...well I don't want to put it lightly, I can be a fucking cunt. When there's someone I really don't like, I will let them know. I may not care about certain people at all, but there is SOMEBODY who does. I don't care how much of a jerk you are, if you need help, reach out to someone, anyone.

I don't know what the number is for other countries, but here is the SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE for the U.S. 1-800-273-8255

If anyone has any problems and just needs someone to talk to, please do send me a PM. I may not be able to help but I can at least listen and I will. If you need help, reach out to someone, anyone...well not 4chan.