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Names I go by / have gone by by insanejoker

Just an identity crisis throughout my life.

First username was lilchicklet - felt I was naive and innocent.
Then goes the following:
Twin-masked-writer (deactivated DA account, meant for writing)
the--maggot (for when I was feeling gross and dead)
jokerette demonette (didn't last long)
cadaverousdoll (a "prettier" version of the--maggot)
insanejoker (what I feel is more accurate today)

I really feel like I'm missing some names here. Just something I've been thinking about lately.

Names I go by / have gone by


7 August 2014 at 08:40:45 MDT

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    We all have these moments where we go through the different phases of our life. Each phase or feeling represents a handle for each of us. Mine have definitely changed over the course of my life as I've learned more things and become more mature and accepted some parts of myself that I had discarded previously.
    Though I don't know if I would call it an identity crisis or a deeper understanding of oneself....

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      XD I only say identity crisis because I never felt like I knew who I was. To some degree I still don't. I couldn't even begin to describe myself as a person, but I can easily describe friends and other people with no problem. Talking about me is difficult sometimes. Or rather most of the time.

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        Ohhh which would explain a lot with the name changing there. I guess we start out trying to find out who we are and gradually change into the koi we are now, yes?
        I can say I feel the same way but I somehow always end up contradicting myself so I can't say I do but I do at the same time, if that makes sense?
        I still break into cold sweats when I'm asked about my likes in front of a lot of people (or my gender on any forum). Because I don't know how to answer those things. I know what I like but do I trust that with strangers? It's like the origin of my name(s) LOL. I'm a confusing person often mistaken for a hypocrite but I often don't even remember what I've said or I feel differently at the moment. Though that was just something that a really bad previous roommate said to me once and I wasn't sure if she was saying things to be vicious or fi she was just saying things because there's some truth behind it. People can be vicious creatures.

        It's these confusing things I often think about while in commute (this is why I read LOL... so I stop thinking about this stuff)

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          XD I think that people change opinions and ideas throughout their lives, so it may seem hypocritical if you don't realize someone changed their mind. Or you just don't understand that person at all. ;>> But yea. I can easily list my likes, but then I start talking about the likes themselves and not me anymore. XD

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            Haha! Me too! I go into the topic rather than reiterate on why I like it. It must be frustrating for other people. I'm a plethora of useless information. Once a topic is brought up on one of the things I know too much about I just blathe it all out. Not that I think people care or anything, just so that I get it out there LOL. --I like thiiissss OAO so now we has things to talk about, maybe?--
            Otherwise I'm pretty expressionless and very quiet with a lot of things going on inside my head.
            As growing beings though, I understand that we often change what we're into or sometimes we're on a road to self discovery because we were taught to be a certain way and that way just didn't work for us and we don't know why it didn't. So this is where the self discovery begins because through your life as a child-teenager-young adult there were some things you were sure of but now that you're getting older a lot of these things are changing. You're changing. So it's time to wrap up that old you that you don't know anymore and make a new one, right?
            At least that's how I see it for me. I was a dumbass young adult. Kind of wish I had the older sibling thing where I could learn my life's lessons through their mistakes rather than being the one to make the mistakes first LOL

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              Yea, I'm the oldest. I think my younger siblings are luckily able to learn from me XD

              And yea, I suppose it's time to get to know the 'new' me. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get to know 'me', but. I think that's a good way to describe it :)

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                Yeah they should be. I mean, mine disregard anything I've done and commit the same mistakes. I think they take that "just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it won't work for me" aspect, but then again LOL I'm a walkin' talkin failure so I completely understand. Haha

                Well humans are very complex beings. To get to know yourself, man you must have mighty balls because even i don't know myself. Part of me believes that you never do until life stops being chaotic and the only way that ever happens is when you're old and able to breathe and relax properly. Though we can only push on so much before we start breaking down. So be careful out there. Discover yourself but also take time to enjoy the little things in life so you can reflect.

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                  Haha XD I never thought it was a challenge / brave thing to get to know yourself before.

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                    It is! It's hard and sometimes people end up not knowing much about themselves at all. Some people just walk around with sticks up their asses not sure that the stick was there their entire lives. Some people just walk around confused and everything ends up being an amazement because they're not sure if they are amused/entertained or confused with why they should be.
                    I talk in circles sometimes. I fear I lose people this way LOL

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                      No you don't XD

                      I never thought of it that way before.