Ugh I have so screwed up my life, I wish I could take back so many things I did because I've just metaphorically dug myself into such a deep hole that I'm never going to get anywhere in my life unless by some miracle I win enough money that would solve just about all my problems. As it is I'm thirty years old, transsexual (that hasn't been able to start hormones), living with my parents, with no driver's license, and working in a retail store for a mere $8.50 an hour with no health insurance and plenty of bills and debt. I should have never even tried to attend college online because it just is NOT the same, it's much harder as I just don't feel like I'm actually learning anything, and I'm just seeing how much I'm going to be owing with little to show for it. I should have never gone together with my brother for the last vehicle we had as we spent thousands of dollars only to end up getting $250 from someone who is just going to use it for scraps. I should have never even applied for a job in any fast food establishment, as trying to save money by eating there is not worth all the health issues I've had since then and how often I've gotten sick which I believe is due to my being overweight. I should have kept pursuing, or even tried speaking to a different recruiter back when I was fresh out of high school to go into the Air Force as that would of been the best option for my life, I'd of been able to go through and they would of paid for my college rather than what I'm doing now.

So, because of all this debt I'm never going to be able to save enough money to move out so that I can finally transition and actually be happy with my life. Also, due to my lack of additional work experience (apart from food preparation and cashiering pretty much) I've screwed myself over in ever advancing anywhere anytime soon. A small part of me was tempted to ask and plead for money but that just doesn't feel right to me, I screwed my own life because of stupidity and I'm going to have to live with it. It just saddens me that people far less deserving of it have better lives just handed to them...and people wonder why I'm agnostic...