ive just... ive been so out of it lately,

ive had this ever hovering feeling that im making things worse for all my friends, and i hate it,

im so tired all the time now,

jabbing a pen in my throat seems like a good idea right about now,
life is just not fun, i dont have it the hardest, but with grandma in and out of the hospital and me having to take care of her for what will probably be the nest 10-15 year's, going to college and not knowing were i want to go, and getting a job this winter, all the while my dad is dealing with a court battle, and could possible be getting married again, and my mom shoving down my throat that she gets to smoke weed and go to concerts, while also telling me i should have what i want figured out by now cause otherwise im just sitting around, even though im only 20 and have only just discovered my love for art,

im just... im really really tired... and i feel like a lot of people just dont care, and thats fine, i dont need 100's of people paying attention, i have a few and thats enough, it just kinda sucks some times to post something up and have it get unnoticed, but the moment some one else does i see every one else up on them like they care, and after they still complain about not getting enough attention,