Where are you staying?
At the Westin.

When will you arrive?
Wednesday, midafternoon.

How long will you stay?
Until Monday morning.

How will you travel to/from the convention?
By steer—er, by Steer. It’s a day-and-a-half drive each way.

Who are you rooming with?
EricAdler is in charge of the room; at this writing there are two open slots. This time I am finally taking my own advice from this parody written last year.

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
Mainly the crews from Babsiwuff’s BabStream, TimKangaroo’s RooCam, and Dipper’s Beach Bears. Oh!—and a big group going to Buca di Beppo Thursday night.

Where will you be most of the time during the convention?
Either bed or panels. Speaking of which . . .

Which panels and events do you plan to attend?
Let me just direct you to my AC itinerary journal.

Are you doing anything in keeping with the convention’s theme?
I plan to spoof the Trilateral Commission with something called the Triomino Commission¹. I have a storebought set to bring for open gaming, and I’ve made a set of lightweight 20-inch tiles to pass out to folks. They’re geared to fursuiters as free props for the Fursuit Parade and elsewhere, but I want to give some to other members too. If you’re interested in a tile, whether fursuiting or not, please see this journal.

Will you suit up?
No.

Will you perform?
No.

Will you go to parties?
Maybe a viewing party or two.

Do you drink?
No.

Do you smoke?
No.

What/where will you eat?
That, too, is listed in the itinerary journal. I also plan to bring some sandwich fixin’s, donuts, soda, and Tang from home for a few meals in tight-time situations.

Can I come with you for food, fun, etc.?
Well, I don’t know the place, so if you don’t mind being led astray or nommin’ on salami . . .

What is the best way to contact you?
Generally, by note here. If you have my cell number (and at this writing I think only three people here do), I usually keep texting disabled.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
If a wave or a “Hi, CC” doesn’t do the trick, a Pythonesque silly walk usually will. As a last resort, flash some sideknuckle.

What do you look like?
Somewhat doughy (~198 lb) with possibly collar-length salt-and-pepper hair and a “cookie duster.” A red Boatmen’s Bank (logo at 0:27) ballcap will be either on my head or attached to a front right belt loop.

How tall are you?
6’2” (188 cm).

How old are you?
42.

What is your gender?
Male.

Are you taken? Are you looking for a mate?
I am somebody’s husband, but I don’t know whose and I’ve run out of guesses and I ain’t got amnesia. If by some improbable happenstance you know her—or even more miraculously, are her . . .

Can I talk to you?
Of course. I’m not usually the sort to initiate contact, but please don’t let that stop you.

Can I touch you?
Only if you’ve had all your shots.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are okay from folks I “know”; three-second rule, please. Snuggles and cuddles I’m gonna have to closely reserve.

Can I dance with you?
Only if Mrs. Critterden approves.

Can I visit your room?
Again, if I “know” you. Just gimme a heads-up, ’kay? I promise to do the same.

Can I buy you drinks?
Nothing stronger than a sarsaparilla, if’n ya don’t mind.

Can I give you stuff?
As long as I don’t have to take medicine for it.

Can I stalk you?
Ask in advance and I’ll think about it.

Can I take your picture?
Who, me? Well, I don’t expect to do anything particularly photogenic, but hey, it’s your battery.

What (else) should I not do around you?
As long as you’re within the convention’s code of conduct, I doubt that I’ll object. I knew the job was dangerous when I took it.

Are you nice?
I’ll go ahead and say no here and strive to prove otherwise there.

Are you cliquey?
I’ll go ahead and say no here and strive to pr—er, um, just no.

Do you have art in the art show?
No.

Do you have an item in the charity auction?
No.

Do you have an artist table?
No.

Do you do free art?
No.

Do you do trades?
No.

Do you do badges?
No.

Do you do commissions?
No.

Do you have a sketchbook?
No.

Can I look in your sketchbook?
Maybe, once I actually, y’know, have a sketchbook.

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
I refer the honourable reader to the reply I gave some moments ago.

Might I find you at other upcoming conventions?
I plan to attend Midwest FurFest in December.

What are your goals for the convention this year?
To meet in person even more of the awesome people I’ve known up to now only as collections of dots on a screen and vibrations in headphones. To continue to test social skills, establish and strengthen connections, and chip away further at the ol’ shell. To cause some in attendance to laugh, smile, or just scratch their heads. To go home reasonably healthy, richer in inspiration and motivation, and inclined to come back for more.

¹Based on Tri-Ominos ®/© Pressman Toy Corporation.