But that I felt you needed to hear.
Thursday evening, as I was driving up to Irvine to attend CaliFur, I was excited at the possibility of meeting you for the first time. We’ve known each other online for a couple of years now, and this was going to be an amazing opportunity for me to actually see you for myself. I didn’t care that you were afraid to meet me. I didn’t care that you admitted that you’d probably put of a façade when we met, because that’s what you do with new people. I didn’t care that after Saturday night, you were going to leave my life forever and I’d never hear from you again. I was just happy that I would finally be able to meet you and do something for you that I don’t think anyone before has. Yes, there were tears in my eyes as I pondered all of this on the 2 hour drive. These tears were there despite the emotional rollercoaster that was our friendship. All of the happiness, and dejection, and pain, and laughter that we shared, that was all the ride, and I don’t care what happens, because I was sharing it all with you and the only way for me to not have fun with you was to get off of the rollercoaster. That’s what tomorrow night is. It’s the big drop after everything. It’s you and me, afraid of what will happen and yet excited to the point of shaking because this is the big climax, and we’re almost in freefall. I know the end is coming. The end to everything has to come. I’ve been on a lot of rides over the years, and the one with you has by far been the most consistently enjoyable. So before it’s all over, I’m gonna make sure that I take one hell of a picture with you, because this is going to be a night that I’ll want to try to remember forever, through the good, the bad, and the ugly. When we meet, there’s a good chance that there will be tears in my eyes again. You will always be in my heart and my mind, so when I say goodbye for the first and the last time, it will not be permanent for me, even though it will never be the same.
Missing you already,
Kay, so explanation time waaaay at the bottom. This is something I wrote for a particular person whom I have been very fond of for the last couple of years. I care about her a lot, obviously, and I wanted to publish my feelings here. I'll probably write something tomorrow evening about how it went, so look forward to that, maybe? I unno. It's in letter form even though I know I wanted to be able to say this to her face. However, as the title suggests, I fear I could never articulate it with words that were not recorded. So, yeah. Here's my deepest emotions. Turns out, I'm a big cheesy ball of happiness. Who'd have thought?
Oh, to have such emotions. Enjoy them, both the happiness and the pain.