I'd like to apologize if I worried anyone. My journal wasn't meant to be cryptic, but I was on the road with limited faculties.

I'll begin with the more simple of the two recent changes to this account: The name change.
I originally chose Urban Coyote as my handle because I identified with urban coyotes. They're animals that are forced to adapt to their ever changing environment. Unfortunately, it's not a name easily Googled. Finding my artwork among Mexican human traffickers and websites about murdering pest coyotes became quite an unappealing task. So I chose 'Coyote' because of obvious reasons, and 'Solitarius' because of my draw to the Latin language. If you haven't figured it out, Solitarius is the equivalent of solitary and/or lonely. I lean towards solitary.

The gallery purge is a much longer story, I'm afraid.
A couple weeks prior my boyfriend and I were offered the job of transporting a friends convention inventory to Spectrum Live in Missouri. We gladly agreed because we like this person, and we enjoyed that convention last year.
While preparing everything for our week-long endeavor, I received an email from a card game company I had applied for. They wrote that I had been accepted to work for their team. Elated, I closed commissions, as I was encouraged to do by the company, so I would have time to work on their project.
During this time I was sent a form to fill out including my assignment preferences, which I filled out and returned. They gave me a sign-in for their assignment site, and an informing me I had already been given an assignment. They later followed up that I was sent the assignment email by mistake, but that I was free to apply for things that appealed to me. So I did.
I applied for three pieces I thought I could both enjoy doing, and I felt was within my skills as an artist.
I'll admit, at this point I was giddy. This was me finally doing what I've wanted to do since I first held a Magic the Gathering card: I was going to do illustrations for a card game. I was going to be able to play this game and look at my work and see something tangible for all of my efforts.
I headed out for the con, all the while making sure I used my limited data plan to keep in contact with this company. I wanted them to know that despite 'being out of the office', I was still accessible to them.
Then I started getting the rejection letters. These were generic form letters, so they left me confused as to why my work was turned down. A simple 'you don't fit our vision for this, but feel free to apply again'. Was it my my style? My media? I didn't know. So instead of cherry-picking, I just applied for everything that remotely interested me and I felt was within my skills.
More rejections in the form of form letters slowly trickled in throughout the convention, sometimes two a day. I began to get frustrated on top of confused. I asked some of the friends I had there who work in the industry for advice. Also confused by my situation, they suggested I ask the company directly about the rejections, so I could get a better idea what I should apply for. So I did.
I quickly received an answer from the company co-owner that my application was 'accepted by accident' and I was never supposed to be working for them. They offered store credit to 'make up for their mistake', a move I found completely offensive. As if store credit was going to simply be a bandage on how hurt I felt, not to mention make up for the money I lost closing my commissions for over two weeks.

I was completely crushed.

I'd spent the whole convention communicating with this company, slowly being rejected over and over via form letter. I felt strung along. I felt like they must have thought this was some sort of sick joke.

I cried.
I wandered away from everyone I knew.
I cried all over a horse that belonged to someone I don't even know in a town I'd never been in.

Then I tried to piece myself back together.

I spoke to my industry friends from the convention. They were taken back by the disorganization displayed by this company, and suggested that maybe it was better not to work for them. Especially if they think 'store credit' can pay me back for the money I lost to closing my commissions for the work promised but never given, a point they had expressed on their own before I had even raised that grievance. I'm behind on bills and store credit isn't going to buy my medicine this month.

I feel stupid, because this is*the second time* I let this company string me along.
However, in my own defense, the first time was back in 2010. They had hired new people that I've grown to respect over the years, and I trusted those people in their judgment (I still bear no ill will towards these people). I thought there was plenty of time for this company to have shaped up.

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

Please note, I've not named this company. Let this act be a sign that what I say is true, and not out of malice or slander. If I wanted to destroy this company, I would have used their name at every possible opportunity, but I didn't. The reason I made this post to complete my 5 stages of grief. Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Now that I've aired all of this out, I've let you peer into the hurt and my frustration that happened over the past month, I feel like I can finally move on.

If you'd like to see an archive of my work that I've removed and see works that aren't posted here, check out my Tumblr here. I keep it art only, so no worries about social crusades or NSFW gifs (my dirty stuff is here only).

Thanks for reading and for being great supportive fans and friends.