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Relationships and Sexuality by Junga
TL;DR - I am in a polyamorous relationship, sexuality is weird, are humans naturally monogamous?
So, this has been going on for nearly a month. My boyfriend of nearly two years and I have discussed these things very thoroughly. I feel that I am not ready to settle down and get married yet. I'm way too young for that. However, we do plan on getting married in a couple of years maybe. We get along too well and stuff.
The problem is, I want to go out and have experience dating. It's like those people who freak out the day before they get married and think "I'm never going to date/sleep with another man/woman again." I love Jonathan very much, but this has been a problem recently.
So, after intense discussion, he decided to allow me to date someone else but not break up. So now I have two boyfriends.
And it's great.
I've noticed things about Jonathan I took for granted before. Little things. I think it has brought us together. And when he isn't there, I can have someone else to cuddle with and watch movies and go to comic book stores (a hobby my new boyfriend has introduced us to.)
It makes me sad, though, because both of them feel a bit jealous lately. I know it's natural and I don't blame them. I just hope it never gets to the point where I have to "choose" between them. I know it probably won't happen, but it's in the deep parts of the back of my mind.
But all of this makes me wonder, are humans naturally monogamous? Are we supposed to stay with one person for our entire life? Maybe this is why a lot of couples have marriage problems? I dunno. I'm thinking out loud at this point. What do you guys think about all of this?
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That's okay. I just wrote an entire essay rambling! I'm sorry that your relationships didn't work. I know both of the people involved very well (like I said, I've been dating one for 2 years, and the other, I lost my virginity to [sorry if that's too much information]), and we are all really open about all of this. I think it's natural for them to get jealous, and I totally get why they are. Fortunately it's more of an awkward, uncomfortable kind of jealous rather than a "LOVE ME, GODDAMMIT."
I've heard a lot of mixed reactions with poly relationships. Hopefully, this one would be a good experience.
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Oh boy. That is a really simple question with a really really really complicated answer. Are humans natural monogamous. To me there is little doubt that this answer is not at all defined, and it is very rarely the same. Human's as a species are a bit of a shot in the dark sometimes, (nothing new there). We do things differently usually, but oftentimes, we come out quite similar to our mammal brethern. Look at how we raise our young for instance, specifically the mother. (The father, obviously is a little different when you get into felines, but we won't go there). Here though, I think we need to stop looking at the species, for this question is a lot more centralized and specific than 7 and a half billion people grouped together. Indeed, I think we have to come down to the individual. That is hard to do, but I think it's a bit easier. Specifically if we break it down into a simple yes or no. Some people are monogamous, some people aren't. Each person is unique, and has their own makeup that I personally believe drives how they think, how the feel, how they react emotionally. Personally for me, it would be a bit difficult for me to go through such a relationship. I'm naturally a bit selfish, but I know some people who could really work well this sort of thing..... My big problem with this type of relationship is that it just seems that it can get really complicated and really vexing, but I suppose if you have the right people in such a relationship, then it would work well.
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Cool answer. I feel like it isn't as complicated as it may seem. I thought it would be complicated, definitely. I was terrified. The biggest thing I learned that has made it easier and enjoyable (and this applies to most relationships) is being honest and open with each other.
But to each their own. I like to think about what it would be like to lump society or groups of society into one category. But there will always be exceptions to everything.
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Mycotae
Well, I've been through 2 poly relationships now and unfortunately both ended. One rather horribly. It's not that these things don't work, obviously there are some that have made it work, but I think it's a matter of personality, and trust. While both me and my spouse trusted our partner, we ended up being really hurt in the end. I DON'T blame the relationship, but the person themselves. If all three (or more) people trust each other, then there's a good chance it would work. I think taking time to know everyone involved is key. However, I personally don't think humans are naturally monogamous. I think it was made so by society.
But yeah... sorry for the rambling.