Doing pretty swell over here by TheScatterbrain

I thought it was a long time since I've written anything about how I'm doing, aand I'm quite well actually.

Not on sick leave anymore, looking for a job. Gonna be an aunt in a couple of weeks if all goes according to plan, that's gonna be fun. People around me are as unfortunate as ever, but it'll work out I guess.

I have such a (comparatively) HUGE amount of energy, do you even know how great that is? Do you understand how much your should appreciate it when you're able to get up in the morning and just get on with whatever you have to do without having to worry about and struggle with every little thing? Because I do. I fucking do.

Oh and I can draw! I can draw, I don't think you people know how much that means to me. I actually sit and get teary eyed over it once in a while, because I can draw, I can do something I really really love and I can THINK again and DO STUFF again.

I preach about this all the time, but if I have any watchers out there who are struggling with bipolar disorder too, and are not happy with the medicine they're taking or how they're feeling, talk to your doctor about trying out Lamotrigine. No meds work for everyone, but for me those goddamn pills are like 90% of the reason I'm feeling as well as I am now. My psychiatrist though it was a good analogy when I said, for me it's the equivalent of taking antibiotics when you have a giant, festering wound.

Anyway, I'm working on drawing commissions at the moment and it bothers me a little to have to do that. It's not to sound negative about it, because that's not the case at all. Drawing commissions is pretty fun for me, forces me into drawing things I otherwise wouldn't. But, I'd just like to get it over with so I can work on this big dumb comic I have, that has been dead for so long (hint: it's Rebound) :c

Bleh, I'm so bad a focusing on more than one thing at a time too. My non-commission doodles just end up being random stuff.

Not that it helps with that particular problem, but is there any Rebound related things you guys would like to see? It's not concept art, but maybe I can pull some suggestions out when doing warm-up doodles and whatnot, just to stay on topic.

Doing pretty swell over here


20 May 2014 at 10:17:08 MDT

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    For me (not with bipolar disorder though but also with mental stuff) the answer was in getting off meds and listening less to psych professionals but eh, whatever works for each person, really. :] I'm just glad to hear someone's having a good time. There's some scary medications out there, I remember how glad I was when I realised I got away from the shit I was on. Still lost over a year of my life but I guess there's some lesson in there somewhere.

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      Yeah, medicine, especially the brain kind, can have some terrible side effects or just not work at all. I would never, ever recommend blindly following what any kind of doctor says. There's this terrible tendency some places to just pass people a bunch of pills and then not check up on them :I Luckily I haven't had to deal with that.

      I was really sceptical of meds too before all this happened. When I was diagnosed with bipolar I was at a point where I felt like, if nothing happens soon, I'm gonna end up killing myself. I had tried a lot of other things before that and realized that there was practically nothing I could do for myself other than sit around and hope my brain would stop being a gigantic mess. It wasn't nice to realize that... I'm really stubborn, I don't like to ask for help, I don't like to have people (or meds) do things for me. But that was just the reality of the situation.
      If I didn't take the medicine I take now, I would still be a gigantic mess, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind about that. My brain is still doing its thing, still having rapid mood swings, but it's so mellowed down now that it's manageable.

      I'm lucky though, I don't have any super problematic side effects. Some stomach trouble, nausea. My hands shake from the Lamotrigine. It's a small price to pay I think, and that should be the key point. Are the side effects a fair price to pay for the benefit you get? If not, you probably shouldn't take those meds.

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        Nah, no worries, I'm not judging you or anything, you don't have to explain yourself. It really is different for everybody, I just mean that we got this culture online and in media that tries to rush people off to get therapy or pills "because it's the right thing" and I don't like second-guessing the past but I really wish that years ago I didn't listen to certain people.

        Can you still draw with tremors though? I used to get those for a while and drawing was impossible, hell, keeping my arms not a-la t-rex was impossible. There was other stuff too but I think it was the complete inability to draw that hit me the hardest. My psych told me I'm one of the unlucky bastards who have "abnormally big" reaction to medication but honestly I don't believe it because the Internet is full of stories exactly like mine. Can't be that abnormal then... But I guess everyone has their own truth, in my psych's truth I'm a stroppy fuckup.

        But again, I don't think that people taking meds are in any way "weaker" or whatever popular misconceptions are, I just mean a lot of people are shoehorned into this because they haven't found other options. As long as you know what you're doing you're fine, like with most life situations.

        I hope this conversation hasn't upset you or anything, I... I dunno why I commented to be honest. I guess I see all the posters and stories encouraging people to get help and I want them to have some kind of warning in a tiny font at the bottom because that was something I needed back then. But it's complicated, few things are black-and-white.

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          Oh no I didn't think that at all, I'm just telling you why it has been important for me to eat a bunch of pills every day. Talking about this stuff doesn't upset me, I think it's important. There are a lot of misconceptions going around from either camp. I completely agree with you, it's too common for people to be pushed into treatment they barely have any knowledge about.

          And it's not uncommon to have extremely bothersome side effects! What a bunch of bullshit. I have known quite a good amount of people with various mental illnesses in my life and the majority of them have had some problem with their meds that made them a struggle to deal with. I feel like -I'm- the abnormal one for being nearly unaffected by whatever you give me. This is exactly why I say the doctor who takes care of prescriptions needs to monitor how it affects you. If it doesn't go well of course you should try to do something different.

          I'm sorry you had a bad experience with trying to get help :/ It shouldn't be like that.
          Also if a doctor ever implies you're stupid or overreacting about something you're genuinely worried about, find a different doctor because it's not worth it.

          Not a doctor, but I was seeing a psychologist for a while before getting diagnosed who basically called me hysterical and stupid for bringing up that I was "so special" to think I had bipolar disorder. When you're seriously depressed and not really capable of making sound judgements, that's a pretty damaging thing to be told. It took me way too long to talk to an actual doctor because of that.
          My point is, being a professional is no guarantee that someone isn't a condescending witch.

          Anyway, it always depends on what's wrong with you, how bad it is, and how well you can live with it on a day-to-day basis.

          No I don't have trouble drawing despite the tremors. They're kind of... weird anyway. You can't usually see me shaking when I'm just holding my hands still or have them resting on something. But if I have to hold something or stretch my arms out to do something, they sometimes shake really bad. It's not every day and it's not always so noticeable. Heh, but I do drop stuff a lot and can't hit the key hole in my front door sometimes, things like that.

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            Yeah, lots of not very professional or simply indifferent people within profession! :[ I realise that in a lot of ways my situation was bad luck but after that psych and a complete disaster of a therapy group I made a couple of attempts to look for something else and realised that I don't have enough time or money or, more importantly, trust left for another attempt. There's just not enough affordable and good doctors around and a whole bunch of hacks ready to take any money.

            Ah, yeah, that's different tremors. My arms were mostly stiff and I couldn't simply draw much, it was incredibly tiring.

            And yeah, I dunno. I mean, I made a decision when it comes to myself but I wouldn't want to decide for anyone else, even someone I know close. My life is relatively okay right now but if I knew what was going to happen back then I dunno, maybe I'd rather die after all. But I didn't and I'm here now and it's not all bad so I dunno. I just wish the whole thing was better explained and less black-and-white.

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    I'm so glad you've been able to rebound(pun intended). It's beautiful you are able to do what you love again, and are doing it so well! I watched you start a comic stream a couple weeks back and in a matter of half a week you got a whole page done. I was crazy impressed. Hope it lasts a long, long time.

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      Whaa, was it that fast? I remember that one as taking two weeks, but it was mostly because I fumbled with the sketch for a really long time. I'm pretty rusty from not having drawn in such a long time. Huh, well, I get really one-track minded when I'm working on something. If I can just get started on it, then it'll usually be finished rather quickly.

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        I started watching just as you began the inks, so I must have missed most of it X3 still, the ink and color were done quick!