I love being an artist. It's often fun, sometimes challenging, and usually rewarding. Having a strong creative streak without an outlet would be extremely frustrating, I think. I'm very lucky that I have several avenues through which I can stretch my creative muscles. And I'm incredibly lucky that I can use my art as a means of income.

It has its downsides, however. When you're an established artist, more and more projects are brought to you. Sometimes people merely hope that you will take their project ( 'I admire your art! I have this idea; Can I hire you to create it?'). Other times, it is expected ('Remember that wooden tile you painted for me for Christmas? I need one for each of the other seasons.') It is not necessarily easy to turn down either type, either. You don't want to disappoint a friend/family member, or discourage a potential client from wanting to hire you in the future. For some people - including me - the expectation and hope of other people can become overwhelming. An artist might feel guilty that they can't take every project that comes their way. Or feel defensive when they say 'No' or 'Not now'.

Lately I have been feeling guilty, and defensive.

Let me explain things a little more: You guys may or may not know that my Actual Real Life Job is as a painting instructor for a mobile painting studio. It's part time, but every month I am required to create two or three paintings to use for classes, and should I be booked for an event that's using a painting I haven't previously done, I must also recreate that painting as well. So even though it's a part-time job, it can easily eat up many hours a week. It also saps my creative energy; Whenever I've had to do a painting for work, I cannot get in the mindset to work on art (furry art, typically) that has been commissioned. This means that non-job-related art gets backed up. I am very careful not to take too many commissioned pieces a once - we've all seen what happens when artists get in over their heads. BUT, that often means that I have to turn down or delay taking on new projects.

Part of my problem, and I openly admit this, is time management. I have a hard time keeping focused enough to work on things, especially when I'm home alone all morning/afternoon for days at a time. You'd think with all those hours by myself, I'd get a lot done! But it doesn't happen that way. I've never been great at creating a daily schedule for myself, like setting aside certain hours that are for working, hours that are for personal time, hours that are for housewife things. I get wrapped up in things happening on the internet, or caught up in a book, or god knows what else. It is a personal failing, I know, and it adds to the sluggishness of production. Sometimes, the subject matter of a project presented to me is not something of interest (typically, I do not accept projects with subject matter that makes me uncomfortable, so there's that at least). Other times, I have to battle a sliver of resentment ('I have to create X when really I just want to work on Y or Z!'). And sometimes, a piece just doesn't speak to me, and I can't get a mental fix on it.

I used to have incredible turn-around time - I've been known to finish a commissioned piece within 36 hours. Lately, though, that is not the case.

I have my Real Life Grown-Up Normal Person Job. I have deadlines to meet for IFC artwork as Guest of Honor. I have obligations with my miniature club. I am starting the last piece in a fairly large donation-based project from February. I have a piece for a friend that is on hold because of a death in their family. I need to create pieces for AC's art show. And there are four or five people asking to be added to my queue (and have been asking for months). There is a lot of pressures coming from a lot of different directions, all bearing down on and trying to snag a piece of my creativity. A flame can only withstand so many breezes before it's diminished, or snuffed out. It is rare that I spend any time or artistic energy on personal art these days.

On top of all this, my husband's job is ending very soon. His office did not renew their contract with the overhead corporation, and he is about to be out of a job. Which means, it would be Extremely Helpful if I make as much money as I can from outside projects. And that adds even MORE pressure.

Please do not read this and assume I don't want to do your project. I am not intentionally dodging anyone that's been asking for art in the last couple months (as someone implied to me just recently). I don't want anyone to think I want requests for projects to stop. I am very grateful and flattered that my talent is sought-after and admired.

I am simply one tired artist getting pulled a hundred different ways.