Current Offstream Commission Queue(As of 04-21-14)

Things have been rather slow lately. Then again it's partly my fault as I probably should have advertised more and made more of an effort to run livestreams. Of course, There's been Easter to deal with, amongst many other things even today where a friend had just returned from a trip to Turkey with her girflfriend, so we went to eat breakfeast with them(and it was gooooood).
This said, I've got a small sketch commission I'll try to work on today, and as always I'm still open.

Also, expect me to attempt to livestream tomorrow to friday, from 12pm to 5-6pm.

Depending on how things go this week, I will see if I may try to stream more next week or a different schedule. I'm not above considering an evening stream again due to changes in my setup and environment.

But for now, the current Offstream Queue. Do note I'm still very much open for more commissions and that advanced sketches( https://www.weasyl.com/submission/562662/doodle-amphibian-adventurer, https://www.weasyl.com/submission/565175/warmup-house-crow , normally 25$) are currently 10% off for a price of 22,50$. Just drop me a note! :

Queue

1. Shaytalis (sketch)
2. OPEN
3. OPEN
4. OPEN
5. OPEN

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Game of the Week(this might be a new, recurring section):
The Last Federation. A bit buggy, but awesome and the written text and dialogues in the game can be pretty damn funny at time. Do get if you've ever been hankering for a Space "Magnificient Bastard" political simulator that allows you to play factions against each others to fulfill your goals of creating the first and last "Star Federation".
http://www.gog.com/game/last_federation_the

Plus you get to play as a sentient space hydra, of all things!
Also, it's by the same folks who made AI Wars :)

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Now, for more life-as-it-goes news:
((note: long-ass journal on recent events, less recent events and stress in general. You may pass if you prefer))

So today we're one day late. Admittedly yesterday was Easter and was spent mostly with family, so there's that.

At least it mostly went well. Though, I must admit.... I'm also glad the last of the big "holidays" for the year is over. Holidays are nice, and so is generally meeting family(especially my maternal grandmother, who I hadn't even seen on last year's christmas or this year's New Year day) but with some of the stuff going on father's side of the family... I hate to say this, but I'm glad family "parties" are over. I'm tired of the stress of having to attend not only anymore so I can see my paternal grandparents(which I always feel I should go out to meet more), but also to keep that overhanging impression that if I'm "not there" others my father is conflict with could uses it "against us" just to try to discredit us in my grandparent's eyes.... even when they do extremely little -for- my grandparents themselves.

It's a stressing and painful situation to be in when family, one of the thing I'd always traditionally identified myself to, is something that has become such a source of conflict and pain.

So I hate to say it.... but I'm glad Easter is over since it means the big family gathering where one has "to keep face" are finally over for a while. That alone makes me happy which is sad to say about times that should be occasions for celebration.

Hopefully, that'll means a bit less stress for me in the foreseeable future.

This kind of stuff has me feeling so much on the defensive all the times, making one unsure what steps to take or of what they "show" to others. Coupled with relationship pains over a friendship whose loss of respect I suffered I know was my own damn fault due to events and basically me being unable to "let go" after coming off too strongly toward someone, it's been hard I guess to feel any sort of productivity lately. I guess people have been witness enough of how little I've produced as of late.

Which in a fashion brings me to another things leaving me with conflicted feelings. Until august last year, I was a drafter in an industrial piping company. In fact, I've never had any sort of "art formations". Pretty much ALL I have is, at the core, stuff learned on my own or incidentally only as a side element of another formation(such as when I had very rough and quick concept art classes back when I did one year of a 3 years 3D animation courses).

I guess, in a fashion, I was not discouraged from doing art, as an hobby.... but I was never really encouraged to go toward it as a career even if it was one of the things I'd always been more passionate for. Instead I've always being encourage to go for the "stable" job be them small or more "professional", even if my own father was and is an independent worker with a very much non-traditional job/profession.

Except as with the above drafting job example the "stable job" isn't always that stable even when you're told that for someone who hadn't worked in that field for over 5 years, you're better at grasping how things work than the guy just out of school to the point of figuring more things out in two weeks than the other guy had in a full year.

So right now... you could understand(I hope) that finding myself suddenly depending fully on my art was not really something I had expected.... or planned for(I had a "stable" job after all and was repeatedly told about how good of a job I was doing compared to the folks that came before, and often being trusted with the near entirety of drafting the shop assembly plans for entire projects sometimes as well as correcting some of the other drafter's own plans).
It was always more in the thought of "it could be nice if I ever got good enough I could".
But well, what happened... happened. I guess it places me in an odd position because.... on one end, I enjoy those successes I've had at the start of the year even if I've been subpar in performances afterward. But at the same time.... having been so much encouraged to look, aim for the "stable" job in the past.... I often feel so intimidated and unprepared for this. I always feel like I have to "prove" myself to those who encouraged me to aim for the "stable job/profession", to try to produces equivalent results or performances in income and so on, it's sometimes a big deal of pressure.

What makes me feel more unsettled though, lately, is the fact that now family ARE encouraging me in this. Hiving tips, advices and... it sounds weird but I was not prepared for this. And I'm not sure how to react. Sometimes it almost added more stress... though perhaps a better way of phrasing things was that because it took me so much off-guard, -I- have been adding more stress on my shoulders.

Which in a fashion make me realizes sometimes how much of a self-confidence issue I have in myself. In a way, perhaps it's not surprising I've pushed away a friend like I did. But well, at the end of the day I'm the only one who can do anything about that.
Best I can try is to try to remain active, productive even no matter anything I might have to deal with sometimes, taking one day after the other as they go.