OK, there are plenty of reasons to be afraid for the future. NDAA, neonic pesticides, TPP, WW3, NSA, etc. It's no secret that the world has gotten really scary in recent years and that our government and their wealthy cronies have kind of had a lot to do with it.

But I want to let you in on a little something. You know those little red, blue, and yellow (sometimes orange) dots on your mailbox?

I know what they mean. I have exclusive, insider knowledge as a matter of fact because I once worked a job that involved using and sometimes even applying these dots.

You ready?

When I worked for the Sun News delivering papers around 2006 or so, we used those dots to tell who got just the weekday paper, who got the weekday and Sunday paper, and who got both subscriptions plus the Wall Street Journal.

That's it. That's the "big secret." You're not being marked for death, you're being marked for what newspapers you're getting so those people who have to work the borderline scam job of delivering your newspapers don't forget to give you your subscription.

So if you get paranoid and peel those stickers off, please don't call the newspaper to complain if your copy of the Sunday paper doesn't come because chances are, they're going to take money from their delivery driver who make scam-level wages to begin with. Those drivers aren't even employees, they're "independent contractors" which means they don't even make minimum wage.

And for the record, just in case anyone thinks I was a stool pigeon set up by FEMA, these colored dots aren't something that just magically appeared after the USA-PATRIOT act. These dots have been around at least since the 90s. I distinctly remember. And they come in other colors besides blue, red, and yellow too, they also come in orange and green, and different carriers in different regions use different colors.

If you still don't believe me, ask yourself several questions:
1. Why would FEMA make it so painfully obvious who they were after when they could just as easily stick an RFID chip to the underside of your mailbox to mark it or just keep a secret shit list somewhere on a government computer and you'd never know?

2.Why would all the people in Myrtle Beach on FEMA's "kill list" all be people who also, incidentally, subscribed to the Sun News Sunday edition? That's kind of an outlandish coincidence, don't you think?

Why is everyone acting like they just started appearing? Why is this conspiracy theory surfacing now and not ages ago? This is probably one of the stupidest conspiracy theories currently out there. Seriously, you have a thousand times more to fear from your phone and your debit card than from those little stickers on your mailbox!