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some days... by crovvn
are just plain weird. man.
it's not like i had a BAD day. had a good time with friends later on, pretty decent day at work, but it was just.
you know those days where it's just really hard to be you?
that was one of those days.
i felt really tied up. really stuck. i had too many obligations, too many expectations, i had the feeling of people making me out to be an ideal that i just can't BE because i'm not perfect, i'm real bad at doing basic things like paying proper attention to people over things like work. i get really detached. i get to points where i don't want to be emotionally connected to anyone because they end up wanting more than i'm able or wanting to give and i don't know what to DO about it when it happens!
because it's not my fault and it's not their fault and it's just difficult accepting that this is who i am and, well, i've just got to make the best of it. improve when i can. make compromises and be the bigger man when i have to. being me isn't bad. being me is ok. i don't have to change for people. i don't want people to expect me to change for them, and even when i know they don't i feel like they want me to and want me to give things i just CAN'T give because i'm not built or made or equipped with all these things people want me to give to them. i don't think or feel the way people want me to and i don't know how to make them understand that without them either making it out to be my fault or making me hate myself again because i think that, yeah, maybe it is myself.
these days, i really just have to remind myself that, like. no. i will not hate myself again. i have spent goddamn years learning how to not hate myself. i'm taking even longer to learn how to LIKE myself, to like myself more than a sort of indifferent shrug, a thought of "eh, i'm pretty decent sometimes, i look cute a few days of the week, that's cool". i have made so many mistakes and have set myself back years by having a toxic outlook on life and just making bad decisions but like hell am i going to just stop doing that because i'm anxious and i worry and i want people to like me.
i'm made up of contradictions, but that's okay. i'm not perfect, i'm not 100% sure of what i am beyond a thing that exists and does things sometimes, but that's okay. i will not unravel.
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oh haha, no worries, i appreciate your concern! i'll be okay though. my errors and anomalies get a little overwhelming sometimes is all.
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aa okay im glad!! nwn
i know the feel aha-
yeah haha. sometimes it just kinda. happens. and then later you're like, what the fuck was that, me? where does this even come from?? who even knows.
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ikr? one day your super happy and full of engery
and then the next day your rly sad and just so so tired idk?? its sucky
i blame it on the rain-
mhm! i'm real lucky that i'm a pretty outgoing and energetic person by default, i try to involve myself in leadership roles and projects to sorta motivate myself like....SEE LOOK. YOU HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES, NOW YOU HAVE TO GO PUT PANTS ON. but sometimes that doesn't work and i'm just an unproductive blob of nothing. bleh!!
aaaa i feel ya there
we need rain where i'm from though
we're in a drought so rain is A+
walking in the rain with a portfolio though?? the WORST.-
ahahh omg ikr!! me, im SUPER shy and i mask it the worst possible way
so people generally think im mean/aloof but aa im not rly!
and ye im pretty unproductive too sometimes :'000 it sucks!wow rly??? ahah i can't imagine that where i live its literally called 'the rainy state'
its pretty depressing! and wow ik!-
i'm an extrovert so interacting and speaking to/with people isn't much trouble for me, thankfully! it's usually when people try to get more emotionally invested in me that things start to get weird. because i'm weird when it comes to Feelings And Things.
it rly does tho!! especially when there's work that you really have to get done but you're just like. no. noooo. nno no.oh man, you're on the opposite coast from me, i'm in the golden state!
our weather is so fucking weird like rn it'll be raining on sunday and then on monday it's broiling and then on tuesday it's freezing and then wednesday it's also freezing BUT THEN IN TWO DAYS IT COULD BE BOILING AGAIN!! what the fuck, california, knock it off.-
wow your rly lucky!! :'0
I can't even look people in the eyes aha!
and yeah same with me like idk why but i just can't deal with emotion/feelings
they are just rlyrly weird to me and since im shy its just???? idkdk im rly trying to get better phauhwow weird! thats kinda like our summers ahaha i live in Washington state so
im in the mountains tho so its VERY odd weather all the time orz
we get tons of snow, a lot of rain, and our summers are pretty ok!
cali seems cool tho id love to go there one day!!-
yeah haha SOCIAL SKILLS ARE PRETTY BENEFICIAL...but it can be a pretty big responsibility and i still get nervous talking to crowds a lot of the time euguyuhhhh....
i also can't do auditions? at all?? i totally freeze up...i can act fine when i KNOW i have a part but trying out for parts in anything? nope nope nopeoooooo yeah you're a few states above me!! i was thinking of a diff state when you said rainy state lmfao i really like washington actually!! i've been there a few times and it's real nice. i wouldn't mind living there. or in new york! new york is also hella bomb.
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O boy yeah im horrible with responsibility ahahah except for my pets
and yeah same man its rly horrible just going out in public you know?
its like i always have thoughts that everyone i see is better then me for some reason? idk
and o gosh i tried out for drama/acting ONCE and nope nooope i couldn't go through with it
it was rly horrible because i didn't go which means someone else had to learn my lines and do
the work for me it made me feel rly crappyand yeah ahah!! which state did you think of?? i thought washington was the only 'rainy' state
but what do i know. and wow you've been here?? thats awesome! its kinda depressing in the winter but
in the summer its pretty cool! o man i don't know if i could live in a city :'000
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Same here.
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hydreigon
aa im rly sorry for a random comment but i SO understand what your going through!! if you ever wanna talk and just let it out im here since i love helping everybody /w\ you don't have to though!!