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Small PSA on Complimenting Art by Home
People like getting compliments. People like giving compliments. Compliments are fun! But something I see a lot in comments, on art sites at least, is extremely troubling.
Please do not compliment someone's work then in the same breath mention yours sucks. Don't do it as a "Yours is so good, mine is so shitty in comparison!" And especially don't talk about how someone's work makes you want to give up on yours.
Those are all extremely hurtful, awkward non-compliments that only serve to make the artist uncomfortable and potentially upset. Who wants to hear that they are responsible for making someone give up on something (especially something the artist probably views as incredibly rewarding)? These compliments put an unwaranted onus on the artist to comfort a complete stranger, when the stranger was the one coming into the artist's space in the first place.
This isn't to say it's inappropriate to be insecure about your work, or to sometimes voice that insecurity. That's fine. Just don't do it as a way to or while complimenting someone else's.
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Comments
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I still feel uncomfortable saying that because I feel like I haven't practiced or learned very much myself, and saying that seems to imply otherwise. I dunno! I'd much rather just not be put in the situation of making those calls.
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I get this often and I just say "YEAH YOU DO SUCK" and laugh maniacally. I've become a very cruel person.
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WELLP that sure is an answer omg.
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I usually just say that they won't get any better if they stop, so keep practicing. But, I'm used to self-depreciating comments, usually most people don't want to actually quit.
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It's still something that's said and that makes me, and several others I've talked to, fairly uncomfortable when it happens regardless of whether they actually quit or not, yanno?
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I never know what to say in response in that sort of situation. I feel like a jackass no matter what I say. Worse part is I do this too. But just one person in particular. No one else. But they are close to me and we kinda do it to each other. So it negates it maybe? haha.
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I feel like it's slightly different if you have a familiarity with the person? I make fun of my own stuff with people I know all the damn time. I say this stuff with friends a lot. Because we have a kind of understanding of the intent, I guess??? That's just not there with some random person commenting on your work.
But yeah I feel like I'm the bad guy no matter how I respond to those types of comments.
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Eeeee thissss. Since I don't post a whole lot online a lot of times people will say that to me in real life so I don't have time to think of a good response for it. e_e It is really awkward.
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Yeah, pretty much!
I never do this and other people don't do this much to me but it still sucks when it happens. Though uh... I used to have this friend and we talked privately and I vented about my art insecurities from time to time (not much, but you know, everyone has those moments) and then at some point they blew up in my face telling me "If you talk this way about your art how much you must think my art sucks!" and that was just all kinds of wrong and hurtful for a bunch of reasons and I'm still not sure how it should have been handled. :/
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Having moments, especially in private, is totally understandable! Like I said, many of my friends and I have an understand that we can joke about our (my) art and it's totally okay. We rip on each other because we know what the intent is and what we actually think when we're not joking. So it really wasn't very good of your friend to blow up like that, instead of saying before that they were uncomfortable with it. :c I'm sorry that happened, and I'm not sure how I would've handled it either.
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I've never actually been subjected directly to a comment like that, but I see it all the time on other artists' pages to know how prevalent it is. I definitely agree that it is a question of insecurity, and it is definitely the wrong way to voice it properly. It's a catch-22, since either you can sound haughty and pedantic by saying that "Well practice makes perfect" or agree with them and then be an insensitive clod...
As an extension of this, I've also seen more than a few people that cannot respond properly to a compliment given genuinely, i.e. I will tell them just what I like about said piece and the response is somewhere along the lines of "Wow, really? This picture is shit." and similar. It's as much a smack in the face to the person trying to give kind words as anything; it makes me not want to comment on their stuff ever again. I know there are people out there that can't take a compliment or lack the proper tact to respond properly, but still. It is not humility, it is a backhanded insult.
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Insecurity is fine, like you said. Pretty much everyone is insecure to some degree, it's kind of naive to say otherwise. But your catch-22 is really spot-on, there's really no good way to respond to those types of comments.
However I definitely agree that people who have to throw compliments back in people's faces, usually by saying that they're outright wrong, are being pretty rude even if it's not intentional. I haven't seen too much of that so I didn't actually think to mention it, but it's basically the same kind of shitty. :/
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Agreed so much! I just dunno how to respond to them :U Typically I just ignore negative/self-depreciating comments like that.
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Yeah that's basically the only way I can handle them. Which I still feel pretty bad for, especially if I'm responding to everyone else who's commented and specifically ignoring that one person.
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i want to hear that someone gave up on art bc of me
yes, feed your tears to me, they keep me strong
soon, i will be able to crush the world...joking im joking
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Leveling up via the crushed hopes and dreams of children.
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One of my best and closest IRL friends for years told me awhile back that he basically gave up on art after meeting me, but then also went on to say I was probably not good enough to get into art school? Even now?? Like... what dude. Wow, even if that were true that's just not shit you say to someone when discussing your dreams lmao.
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That's.... rude as all hell? Like they put together possibly the rudest set of ideas all at once??? That's like a goddamn talent.
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lol I guess I never really thought about how rude it was until recently?? But yeah, I wonder what goes through someone's mind when they say anything like the examples in this journal. Just no... the pity pot is not a good way to compliment someone or gain attention.
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I see those around other artists work I have to say tho I do see those rare "Your art is so good I'm gonna keep going so I can get as good as you!" Or those "I hope to be as great as you" those are always nice
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Well said. Not many people realize this, but self-deprecation while giving compliments, while well-intentioned, can be disconcerting and just plain awkward.
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Pretty much, I've had a few people not actually realize this. Which I can understand, really, since it is usually so well-intentioned.
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-HOPES I DIDN'T DO THAT can't remember-
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yeah i kind of avoid doing art things around one of my best friends because she just gets in an 'ugh you're too good stop it' kind of way where i understand she means in a positive way/she is frustrated with herself/not actually upset with me but it gets old fast.
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I really have yet to find a way to respond that doesn't leave me feeling anxious or like an ass. Even if they do mean well I just??? Please find another way of expressing that thought????
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The negative vibe cancels out the positive vibe of the compliment, they don't really register as compliments to me.
Just an invitation to a pity party I have no desire to go to :/ -
Ughhh the self-loath, if I had a dollar for everytime I heard or saw a fellow artist down themselves, especially in a response..... pfffftshhhh...... meh.
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your art is so great it tastes better than my food photos
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Danji-Isthmus
I usually just respond with the "practice, practice, practice" mantra. But I agree with this so much :U