Specially for the holidays, we're offering a CHRISMATACULAR DISCOUNT BONAZARRITO! Only 300 bucks American gets you a deluxe commission with all the trimmings:
-Your character, drawn completely without reference, with my eyes closed, with a Sharpie Magnum that I shoved up my rectum!
-Your choice of linear gradient background, with varieties ranging from black and white to white and black!
-Full payment will be required before work begins or you even consider buying a commission in the first place.
-We'll send the finished product to a randomly selected person! Probably your grandmother.
-You'll receive no e-mails or notifications whatsoever!
-Your character will be drawn with randomly selected colors, species, gender, and political affiliation
-Your character will be drawn without any regard to biology, physics, or architecture
-Your character will be drawn as a giant, turgid, sopping wet horse penis.
-Your character will not actually be drawn at all. Instead, I'll be spanking the weasel onto your money and then sending you a pdf manual for a pressure cooker, which you could have just downloaded for nothing.
Only one slot available! Ever! Applicants will be chosen Battle Royale style.
(Stay tuned for a non-joke commission post)