This is a repost of what I wrote on FurAffinity back on Dec 12th, 2012. I figured any watchers here who weren't watching me then may wonder why I'd even have such a bizarre/creepy interest. The journal entry's a bit rambly and flow-of-consciousness, but it shouldn't be terribly so.

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Heya, how's everyone been? Been a while since I've put up a serious post.

So, I've been asked how I wound up with an interest in amyotrophy.

Oh, boy, here comes some text!

See, during my days in school, I was taunted, mocked, abused, etc. I was not the popular kid because I was the smart one. Heck, until about 11th grade, any friend I had made at the start of the school year turned on my by the end due to peer pressure. They couldn't handle the emotional abuse. I didn't blame them! Not to say that I took it well, either, but I guess I never gave in? I don't know. My worst memory was when some senior picked me up and thrust me against a locker, the locker tumbler pushing onto my spine. Needless to say, it wasn't comfortable. (Understatement alert!) I was "saved" when a girl from my grade told him to put me down. Yay. This same girl made fun of me, but when I shot back with something she decided to kick me between the legs. Luckily(?) her target was hanging to one side and she kicked the other. Still hurt, but wasn't quite as painful as it could have been.

Ugh, lemme get off that subject before it gets too emo! (Too late?) Anyway, I usually had these larger, stronger guys saying shit and occasionally doing shit, and I never received any sense of justice or closure. That was pretty damaging to my mind, I think. I would come home, but I was taught not to cause trouble. I took that advice too far for some reason, so I never told my parents all the things that went on. Not unless it was visibly obvious.

Because of this lack of a sense of justice and closure, my young mind often withdrew into a fantasy world to "balance" things. Now, I wouldn't hurt a living person for moral and ethical reasons, so I also couldn't do that in this fantasy world. So I visited my vengeance upon cartoon characters, usually of the villainous variety. They weren't real, so no real harm was done. And since I was weaker than my living tormentors, I had the need to have those I tormented in my mind weaker than I. I needed them to feel helpless because I myself felt helpless. The fantasies then went to the extreme of complete weakness and helplessness.

These fantasies weren't even sexual or sensual in nature. They were just... satisfactual? They were meant to provide as close a sense of closure and justice as my young mind could figure. Never did, I guess, which is why it’s still an interest of mine. And because of how this interest developed, I didn't think of it in a positive light. I kinda kept it to myself in shame. I think the only person I confided this to years ago was LaraTheLabRat, who was also very supportive and tried to get me out of my shell. Also, it didn't help that when I tried to search on FA for anything similar to my interest, the scant number of images I found were not really seen in a positive light, either. I've been on FA for over 7 years, and only now did I get over it and start indulging myself.

My moral and ethical compass, such as it is, also prevented me from harming more innocent characters, which is why characters like Adius's Leo and Quixoticfur are being taken care of while the gnoll is being humiliated and psychologically tortured. The gnoll was meant to be the victim. To be honest, I never figured upon others enjoying being put in that situation. It's an odd yet wonderful feeling to have that kind of support, of course, and I highly appreciate their willingness to participate in those scenarios. It's helped to remove at least some of the negativity I felt about it all.

So yeah, that's how I came to be interested in amoytrophy.