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So it's been a while. by rickigator

You'd thought after I posted that journal when I was at rock bottom and stopped drawing two and half years ago you'd never see me again, right? Guess again. I have some explaining to do.

In short, I basically burned out extremely hard due to a combination of Dexit making drawing Pokémon feel awful among other things and in general making me feel like a fool for investing more than 10 years of my life into that series, feeling I couldn't improve on my art beyond just making it more detailed and anatomically accurate (a comment I once got was that I had a "deviantART amateur artstyle" which sounds awful but is correct), and my generally decaying mental health. There's only so much rejection and bad things happening I can take before I just shut down.

So why am I posting this now? Well, Fur Affinity decided to shoot itself in the foot with its new and incredibly bad rule amendment that has made it too much of a minefield for me to even try posting Pokémon there. As I still want to draw many species and see it as my catalyst to start drawing again (Game Freak has always been better at character design than game design) once I have an opportunity to, it's a deal breaker. It'll probably be a long time again before I ever reconsider my decision in turn to abandon the site and stop posting.

What does all this, and in particular this journal, mean for right now? Absolutely nothing! I'm preoccupied with Final Fantasy XIV and I don't see much of an opportunity to try drawing (or given how long it's been, relearning how to draw) at the moment, but it means that if and when I do (or I post my old, very bad art from the 2010s that isn't already posted here), it will all be posted here.

Maybe some day, things will be better.

So it's been a while.


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    That old journal really speaks to me. I've somehow continued to make art, but between how much time it actually takes to make a picture, start to finish, and the usual lack of interest from anyone outside my small group of friends, I really find it hard to stay motivated and want to make art to share. Especially with the way FA changed their file upload size limits last year, and now the changes to their policies.

    There's still the tiniest little spark left deep inside that wants to make stuff, but it's like every other thing is trying its hardest to put it out. I still make sketches on my phone, but they're usually just self-indulgent things that I don't want to share. Between working all the time, and just having no motivation/reason to put forth any effort into creating anything finished... it's unlikely I'll make too much art unless something changes. Really sucks, because I have a decade worth of ideas and stuff to draw from, but it's just so difficult to get in the right state of mind to work on it.