I was originally going to write a PM and send it to a few friends who offered me harsh critique... since there's nothing I need to hide in this, I'll post it as a continuation to my previous journal. Will start off by saying this isn't an attempt to make an excuse for the wrong the majority believes I committed, only to better detail so everyone understands why I chose to act as I did. If you've read my previous journal please read this too! A short recap: I recently went into a convenience store without wearing one of those masks intended for surgeons, argued with security over it, posted about the whole thing since I thought it was exciting, then got a slew of critique for not taking those masks seriously and believing they somehow protect people from this somehow unique and deadly Coronavirus.

So yeah; Like I said then I don't much believe those masks make a difference, nor that the virus itself is as dangerous as it's said to be. There are so many reasons for this that getting into all of them would make this journal even larger... including a lot of stumbling over the data, different experts saying contradictory things, multiple organizations having used fear of the virus to their interest, the restrictions strikingly resembling a social / psychological experiment, and so much more. I was actually surprised to learn how many people believe this whole thing, as well as shocked disgusted and frankly crept out at how easily they just accepted a whole new way of live being imposed on them overnight. With no intent to insult anyone or put down their opinions, I see those who fear the virus as having been tricked by world elites in a game they're playing with the world's population... maybe that's not true or is only part of the story, who knows if I may yet be proven wrong? The fact that everything looks like the entire world becoming Communist China and adopting its exact approach to fighting the virus isn't a helpful cherry on the cake either. Anyway I wanted to first offer some background on what my current convictions are; I know my watchers are sincere and smart people, same as I try to be in my own way... I'm sure you can understand why I have my stance, while on my end I will say I'm considering why you're taking your own (more on that near the ending).

Now: There's an essential reason why I strongly have my own stance, which I realize isn't obvious and many may be unaware of. To sum it up in a few words: EXPERTS LIE, EXPERTS ARE OFTEN WRONG, AND WHAT EXPERTS SAY MUST NEVER BE TAKEN AT FACE VALUE! This is especially true for those who work with government agencies to influence laws or social norms, especially those who work in areas such as psychology or human biology or social dynamics, and ESPECIALLY when the subject of the controversy is an INVISIBLE DANGER which can't be seen with the naked eye and can only be SPECULATED UPON. Keep those ingredients in mind; Whether they lie deliberately or push false narratives out of fear or simply don't have the full picture, those who call themselves experts often say false things, no matter if 99% of the world's population has been driven to believe them and freaking out at everyone else to do the same.

You may not agree with me on this either. I only ask that you at least trust I have good reason for it. I treat authority and experts the way I do is because I've dealt with the harsh reality of who they are especially when I was younger. Some of it involves personal experiences I won't dive into publicly but which have greatly impacted my life. Those events were caused precisely by completely false narratives assumptions and misunderstandings, many pushed even more aggressively today instead of at least being recognized decades later. The ignorance is so big that even today some things aren't even close to being KNOWN by society, merely attempting to talk about them risks being met with hate and ridicule. This part of my past was a cold shower in realizing the truth about how wise and knowing those who call themselves experts truly are, how skilled they are at making something seem undeniably true when it might be total bullshit, while burying reality under the carpet and squashing everyone who dares bringing it up. Whether you believe it or not, most of society can be brainwashed to think something is correct when it isn't, the very thought of being wrong never once occurring to many.

Tying this back to the subject at hand; That's a great reason while I think the COVID-19 crisis is also a fabricated hysteria, tying to humanity's blind reactions to fear its drive to make assumptions alongside deliberate ulterior motives. I have no doubt the virus itself is real... mainly because there are too many doctors treating COVID patients worldwide, no government would have the means to threaten them all into staying silent about such a hoax. The argument is about how dangerous it really is, to whom, and even the dynamics of how such viruses work and spread... all impossible to see for one's self and established by people we're being asked to believe! It's only logical that when those who claim to know it all and have all the answers lost the trust of those they're addressing, either because they can't look serious our because they've abused this trust toward them in the past, we fall back to relying on coming to conclusions by ourselves. Those who haven't been betrayed or terrorized by groups they looked up to may not understand this, to them believing anything they're told may come natural... in my eyes instead they are victims being manipulated, it's what I see and something I cannot change or lie to myself about.

Does this make me dangerous for disregarding the virus and wanting to disobey measures I find questionable at best? Depends on who you ask: In the convenient narrative of "the experts", we're being criminally negligent scumbags for not accepting that an invisible killer might be hiding in our bodies and we need to change how we live our entire lives to accommodate this wild scenario else people around us will die. From my perspective, we're being asked to dress up as clowns and dance to a silly tune because we'll be fined or arrested or everyone around us will freak out if we don't... something that's infuriating to say the least, especially when I will automatically envision the ones fueling this fear laughing at us over it while we tare ourselves apart over their stories. Thus the question is which do we pick: Letting an entire society humiliate and make a mockery of itself just to be extra safe in case the virus really does work as we've been told, or society keeping it together and staying cautious but decent while respecting the culture of freedom and democracy it claims to have? I hope we can all at least agree that both points are valid and we're right to be asking each one.

And so comes the question: What shall I do from here on? Yesterday I've had a lot of friends being very harsh toward my disregard for the killer virus narrative and refusal to play along with the safety measures. Unless I could somehow see it with my own eyes, I simply can't believe what we've been told about the dangers of COVID19 to the extent it's been presented... nor can I accept laying down and acting in a spectacle I don't believe, as to me this is an outrageous attempt to humiliate and make everyone obedient! HOWEVER: If this means so much to so many of you... maybe I can think of and find some compromise solution?

I've thought of getting something like a scary or over the top mask, which would do what you want while also being a form of protest... unfortunately many are too expensive and even that feels like playing along too much which is a thought that gets me boiling. Another option is to send my mother to do all the shopping, she wears a scarf to appease security and hasn't had any issues... this seems a little unfair however, and especially with the nice and warm weather outside I don't wanna stay locked in forever! I always keep my distance as well as washing my hands once I return indoors, but since that's "not enough TM" for everyone... I dunno what I should do to calm everyone else down.

I'm gonna end this one on a positive note: If you have any crazy and interesting ideas, for something I can wear that matches whatever protection criteria you believe in but is also controversial and outrageous and offensive (just not enough to get me kicked out), feel free to let me know! Or just offer other points or ideas if you have them? Bottom line is I'm trying to think of some format to make everyone happy. Least till I can finally find some magical portal out of this world, and I can live in a world where I can piss on all responsibility and enjoy life freely without having to appease any "wise and serious people" or fight any "spooky invisible dangers" at every turn, which is a way of life my mind will probably never be able to comprehend.