root@randsom: ~#reinitialize -s -c
>system check... done
>caution. virus in near proximity
>determining fix... done
So, long time, no update. I hope you're all staying safe with things being as they are right now. I'm writing this up as I sit in a house that's been occupied by exactly one person for almost four weeks now. My roommate has gone home for finals and is only coming back once finals are over to pack up and move back home completely. To think that a couple months ago I was estatic because I was going to be writing the last finals of an eight year university career, and moving into work placements. Oh, young farm chimera, how wrong you were.
News from academia on high has come in recently. Due to the current outlook of the virus, my year of practicals is likely indefinitely rescheduled. Chances of me being able to start my summer semester, even though I am in the medical community with my studies, are slim to none. Because of this, my government school funding is going to stop very quickly after finals and I won't be able to afford my rent, groceries, and the like.
This gives me two options.
1) Rack up debt through loans to survive on my own, for who knows how long, in a place where the cost of living is frankly unreasonable unless you're on campus.
2) Return to my hometown, and my 1-step-from-religiously-fundamentalist parents.
I have no idea which one is worse.
At this point, unless things change by the end of finals, I will likely have to move back home for financial reasons, and I'm frankly terrified. My parents controlled my life to a disgusting amount as I grew up, and I thought that this winter break was the last time I was ever going to enter that house again.
Part of me is excited. I want to stand up to them, show them I'm my own person. But part of me is worried I won't be able to and things will go back to how things were before I left for university.
I write all this because I'm worried. I need an outlet. Whenever I go back to my parent's place, I cut off from the people I call friends. I do the same for school, but it's different. I'm a different person when I go back to my parents, and I don't like it. I clam up, I refuse to talk, because if I do all it will cause is fighting over ideology or emotional manipulation and crying over how I'm 'lost' and need their version of help.
I apologize for the rant. My brain has been addled with stress due to the virus causing my school to shut down, my finals coming up, and now this news that could cause my graduation date to be pushed until.. whenever this whole thing decides to die down, meaning I will be stuck at home with people that don't know the real me and would probably prefer not to. But I needed to get this off my chest, to just have it be heard.
Thanks for reading. Stay safe out there. I'm gonna get through this. We're gonna get through this.
I'll do my best to give updates though this. Thank you all for your support.
>sending bug report... sent