Not gonna dive in specifics, both because there's no need to and there's too much happening at once to go through. I mainly wanted to speak one thought out loud, thinking of it from my own perspective as well as generally: What it means to reach the limits of distrust and isolation. To truly cut ties with the world around you at a fundamental level. For one's mind to become so alienated that you can barely see a similarity in others beyond the generic structure of the human body; Still having a natural empathy for people, still wanting to interact with others once in a while, sometimes even wanting to help... but reaching an uncanny valley where you don't know if and how others process thoughts similar to your own, or are a different form of existence "programmed" to imitate some of your thought processes in some mangled way, or may malfunction and attack you for a reason you didn't even think of.

I've worn myself out on Twitter and beyond, having to get involved in politics and social issues far more than I was ever interested to, having seen levels of illogicality and extremism beyond what I previously thought is even possible. Just as attacks against the free internet and artistic freedom seemed to have been dying down slowly, the Corona Virus thing started: Worldwide panic and authoritarian measures the likes of which I've never seen during my 31 years on this Earth... society itself is almost shutting down, while people are being forcefully locked in their homes in the middle of what we foolishly thought is a free world with basic rights, everyone once more pointing fingers and calling others murderers simply for walking from point A to point B like they do every day. Tonight I was yelled at by a community I'm closely part of for trying to defend it, by pointing out how a person is openly abusing their friends for being part of that community, because simply criticizing someone is now harassment and it's unacceptable to merely discuss issues unless you've met a perfect social etiquette.

This is what's making me beat on myself to isolate from everyone I don't know: Everywhere I go, whenever I open my mouth to talk about anything that might be sensitive in the slightest, I get conflict and often times accusations about some unrelated thing someone concluded I must be doing. You cannot do anything, think anything, draw anything, touch anything, feel anything, without someone screaming as if you're committing bloody murder. It feels as if society downright wants to live in a permanent war; Everywhere some invisible enemy that everyone must battle, everywhere some army of "bad guys" that must be punished, everywhere a knight in white armor having to tell everyone what it's okay to be like, a mouthpiece reminding you to be afraid and demonize someone else because there's a magical hidden evil somewhere. This darkness controls and consumes all, it's all you can see or hear about now, life has become this poison.

Most would say just avoid it. Yet that is not an option: Panic and moral correctness has been forced into everything, destroyed every fandom and community that dared to live their lives in peace. Going to an art site to enjoy art... not so fast: Someone needs to make sure you aren't drawing or looking at anything evil, also that you're old enough in your computer chair to see dangerous categories of pixels on a screen. Want to turn on the TV and enjoy some music clips? You can't without laughable censorship of blurry blobs all over the screen, now including blurring people's mouths when they're smoking a cigar since somehow that's now on par with showing your dick or something. Want to go outside and take a walk? Cheeky bastard, having such basic rights left: Now we got a spooky virus to fix that, which has killed less people than seasonal flu but please ignore that, if you refuse to be put in house arrest despite committing no crime the army will bring tanks to the streets.

You know? I have but one curiosity: What if I simply don't care? What if I just want to be left alone for once? What if I don't want to know about whatever absurd inanities are going on in the world today, nor want them forced on me by a "life expert" who determines what thoughts and cultures are a threat? What if after years of this daily mental torture I simply do not and cannot give a damn any more? What if I don't believe all the complex fears and connotations this alien society has given to all sorts of things, especially after I've seen how many are made up yet nobody cares about the truth? What if I refuse to dance to the tune the mainstream sings 24/7, becoming scared or outraged when a button is pressed by the media and we receive the morality command? Nobody asked if I wanted any of this... if I want to be here in the first place. Nobody told me years ago, when I thought we'd have a free advanced society where anyone can speak and create freely, that a world in which you're afraid to even talk with anyone was being built?

When someday I will leave this existential mistake of a world, I may do so with just one regret. No, not the fact that I didn't achieve anything of relevance in this life, as I never cared to in the first place: The fact that the people who hate me and decided I'm the devil itself will never know that I actually cared. Even when I literally want to see humanity itself go extinct and the end of all nations and societies, it does hurt to wish such destruction and makes me hate myself. Yet it will never matter... humans needs monsters, I've given them the only thing they can see or deserve to see.