After careful consideration, now that almost 3 weeks have passed since the event, I decided it would be fairest to post about this publicly and let my followers know what had happened. Up until now I only told 3 people, with the exception of a forum where I spoke about it in detail but anonymously.

You've probably noticed that during the past months, I've been posting a lot of unfinished works and organizing archives with the content I've created. I also distanced myself from most of my projects as well as involvement with other teams, which I'm only now picking back up on. This has been planned since late March of this year when I took a vow: That this year I would finally escape.

On 03 September 2019 at 12:00 AM I went through with my first suicide attempt in this lifetime. I don't wish to offer unnecessary details for those who are sensitive to this sort of thing, but will provide a short description of what took place: I attempted it during the last day of my trip to the seaside, and it involved taking pills and alcohol then jumping into the sea from a long pier. I survived because I greatly overestimated the amount of drugs that would be needed to incapacitate my ability to swim, and was also (un)lucky to catch a night when the water was both warm and calm (just 3 days earlier we had a cold storm with huge waves). I ended up swimming for at least one kilometer, following the lights I could make out across the shore, until I eventually crashed onto a beach... from there I managed to find my way back to the villa where I was checked in, despite barely being able to stand up or walk once I was out of the water. I threw up the cocktail I drank once I got back to my room, but the next day everything slowly started returning to normal... at this time I'm almost completely healed apart from a cough that's also on its way out.

At the moment I don't have a concrete plan for a second attempt: Please don't waste your time worrying about me. But I post about this to speak the full truth: It's uncertain what I want to do with my future from here on. If I ever disappear from the internet for more than a few weeks, I wanted everyone to know the most likely reason as to why. I can no longer live on this world as it stands, whereas the majority of the human race wants me dead as well. Sadly there are some beings who care for me and want me around for a bit longer, especially my poor biological mother who doesn't even know about this yet... also fate if I may put it that way, I don't get what bizarre plan they have that still involves me being alive in this shithole of a world. Being born here was a huge mistake they made, and now we don't know how to properly repair it.

What led to such a drastic decision? A ton of unrelated things combined, most of which I will keep to myself or those I trust. The primary cause which I'll mention here was tyranny: The total war against modern culture and our fundamental freedoms waged by governments worldwide, as their desperation to enslave us and gain absolute control over our minds has spiraled out of control. You already know of ACTA2 / Article 13 or SESTA / FOSTA and other ways they've tried shutting down the free internet for years. The drop that filled the glass was when the United Nations declared that it considers artwork a crime and wants all governments in the world to arrest artist who draw ideologically sensitive content mainstream society doesn't agree with (particularly lewd cartoons and anime), something they've gone back to just a few days ago.

For years I've lived as a thought prisoner waiting for their governments to arrest me, strip me to a chair, drug me and put a device on my head, then try to erase my thoughts and identity to make me a lifeless robot like them... ever since I was a child I've known this is what the human race wanted to do with me. I'm never going to consider anything like a shooting even if I had the means to commit one, killing others is plain wrong and out of the question even if it's to rescue the world from this madness... the only way to save myself, unless something finally happens to reestablish a real civilization before they put us in concentration camps, seems like getting off this demented hellhole while I still can. I don't want pity: All I want are damn solutions! I have no place on a world where thoughts and art can be considered a crime by even the most (supposedly) civilized empires on the planet; Once this is possible for any given group or under any excuse, it's only a matter of time until they invent some reason to come after those like me as well. And no, you can't know what I'm referring to, as I don't know what could happen if all those monkeys knew that beings like me exist... but that's okay since only a handful of people on this planet currently understand it anyway.

Unless I've committed an act of heresy by even posting about what I've done here and my journal gets deleted by a mod, feel free to ask questions or offer any feedback you consider useful. Just please don't cry for me to never do it again: You don't know the full reasons why I did it nor what I have to go through every fucking day for over 15 years... many in my place would have done it much sooner. All I can say is that I'm sorry it has come to this, and I didn't mean to sadden or disappoint any of you. For now I am fine... I just don't know for how long I can continue keeping myself here for everyone else's sake.