There's no future for me, it seems. No work, a rapidly depleting unemployment stipend, a dying world, family power struggles, and a general inability to do much of anything. Career fairs have been pointless wastes of time, hours I'll never get back, full of crowds and noise. I can barely get the required electronic applications out. Can't draw, can't write, can't pattern, can't build models, the drive is gone. Sleep is dreamless and fitful.
I can't even flee into Fantasyland or roleplay. What is there for Tankaa and Ori? The far side of the airlock? Joybooth abuse? It's why the RP has dried up, I just can't envision anything besides sitting and waiting for the end. Worse still, I watch other people's submissions pile up and resent them, even if they're having a rough time of things too. At least they can still create and dream. I was a worthless hack at best, with crappy writing and derivative art. Now there's no art at all.
Yes, I'll see about switching to something stronger and get more help. Maybe I'll be able to get things done if I have enough Will To Live Substitute™ in my body.
So much for the minimal drama but it just feels like I can't manage anymore...