Another Vent/Confession and New Year Resolution? by arc-rose

Edit: Editted 2 times already, I don't know how to put out my words.

Disclaimer: Just continue if you wish to read about an anti-social self-hate/loath/something. Because I need to write this somewhere online.

Well, this is an awful way to start a year.

2018 was... meh. Honestly, I couldn't care less about festivities and holidays, and if anything, this year I wish I was lonelier and that I could just disappear. I broke the few friendships I had and... I didn't feel bad at it at the start. But now I feel the need to talk to others that don't exist anymore. And I really don't like talking to my family.
I guess it's only fair since I'm an attention whore, not in that way, but if I talk to someone, I want all their attention on me. Well, not that it changes anything.

So what did I do this year? Got unemployed and I don't want to get a job. ...Yeah that sums me up nicely. I know it's important to get a job, get money but... I don't think money drives me at all. Doesn't help that I'm lazy. Well then. I need to help home somehow. Either I work harder or need to get a job.
Basically, I'm just a lazy loser that doesn't deserve anything.

With that said, maybe I can keep the schedule this year? (Not that I ever had one, but that's beside the point) I will stay 8 hours sitting on a chair. Gonna work on illustrations, any comissions (if any appear), and mainly , one of my comics. I still have no idea how I'm gonna scan it since it's been done in A3. And I dont have a scanner for a sheet that big.
That works. I will think of a way through which hopefully won't be too expensive. I always wished I would be able to sustain myself with just my drawings. But I never truly believed in it. Maybe I should, but I can't trust myself. Maybe if I'm able to do it, then maybe.

I"m lost I guess. I have no dreams and objectives. Maybe I will find my true self this year. (Don't have any hopes for it though)
Cause if not, then disappearing sound like a really good idea lol.

And hope you all had nice holidays.

Another Vent/Confession and New Year Resolution?


1 January 2019 at 19:04:34 MST

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