You know how computers are really smart and algorithms are a thing?
My computer is now joining my family into pressuring me to date again. Apparently my computer thinks we spend too much time together and I should be seeing someone else. The constant ads and news articles I am seeing about relationships and dating during the Holidays has been very overwhelming and in my face, so much so I've been having one of those lonely lows. Emotionally I am not feeling great.

Yesterday was fantastic, I was having a great time with friends, I was Christmas shopping, had lots of sunlight, I even had a brilliant night's sleep. Today though, absolute drop in motivation, mood, and so much mental despair. Even physically I am feeling unwell, got a dull back-of-the-head headache, low energy, and I'm really cold. It would probably be in my best interest to sleep early again tonight.

Back to this Dating thing, the article in question this time that got me feeling down in the dumps is basically showing how Income and Compatibility are linked.

Nerd Stats below:
How a $36,000 difference between a couple's income would be means to end the relationship. This is all based upon a survey of 2000 couples by Millionaire Match.

Half of Americans feel like it is important to be on the same level financially as a romantic partner. 38% of Americans said their relationships ended because they were not on the same page, and the same percentage have actually given up on dating at all.

The Top 5 Reasons Relationships have ended this year:

• Different Expectations
• Cheating
• Didn't have time for each other
• Didn't Love them anymore
• Better off as friends

The Top 5 Qualities in a Potential Partner

• Sense of Humor
• Attractive
• Respectful
• Nice
• Mature

I see all these stats and I feel compelled to share them, I have no idea why. Something is wrong with me and I don't know what or why.
Nerd Stats over.
I guess why this article interested me at first is because I lean so heavily on money and finance, I do not see how there would not be any hope of securing a partner if you cannot afford to take them out for dinner.
I am not in any stable place to do that even for myself, so right off the bat I feel undeserving of even trying. I even feel like I lack in the top 2 qualities, a foolish and serious sense of humor; like I do not understand how to be funny or accept other humor, and I despise my appearance. I despise everything about how I look, lastly is my utterly killed confidence and self-worth. I am so devastatingly afraid of another rejection that I am completely avoiding the possibility. I cannot ask for art trades, I cannot ask for favors, I cannot ask for help. I cannot ask anyone for anything. This is crippling.

I'm for the most part impartial to being on my own. It never really bothers me until something positive and life changing happens to someone I know; like a new relationship, an engagement, wedding, new baby, anniversary, or even just adorable couple pictures. While I am absolutely thrilled and excited for said people in said situations, I automatically draw the large gap comparison of my life to theirs and that spirals into a lonely low, I become so aware of how much being alone feels, like (family automatically aside) there is no one who cares if I make it home alive.

Wow I'm shocked at how exhausting it was to vent out all these gross feelings, I need to go to bed. Sorry for the spill everyone :(