Hey everyone. It's been a long while since I really updated anything, I know. I'll try to keep this journal short, no need to go into a whole life's story or anything. The short of it is this; I decided to get a part-time job outside of artwork, and landed one in mid-September. It's been a huge adjustment after working from home full-time for the past 5 years, and came with a lot of emotional stress. Figuring out this new work-work-life balance has been wild, and then Thanksgiving season was suddenly here and I was working full-time hours temporarily because of the shopping season thing (the two weeks before Thanksgiving are the busiest of the year for where I'm working).

The reason I've decided to do this is because I want to have a steady income outside of commissions, so I can finally see my way to working on comics and personal projects. I also need help increasing my income so I can pay off my college loans sooner than a million years from now. My original plan has always been to make my own comics and art books and original pieces, while doing commissions on the side. But no matter how I structured my time and workflow, I couldn't figure out a way to stop commissions from being my only focus. I've thought about working outside my home part-time for a few years, so this isn't as sudden a decision as I'm sure it seems. Despite the stress it's caused, it's been a really nice change of pace in a lot of ways, and I feel confident that it's going to help me do the art I've been trying to.

One of the unfortunate side effects of this though has been me disappearing from online entirely. To those that reached out to check on me, who were worried if I was okay or wondered if I had stopped drawing, I'm so sorry I caused so much worry, and I deeply appreciate seeing people care about me like that. The truth of it is, more than being overwhelmed and not having time to be online, I was (and still am) consumed with fear. I suddenly and savagely became terrified of admitting I'd gotten a new job, and then became afraid of drawing soon after. I didn't want to face comments of people being disappointed that I wouldn't be doing as many commissions, I didn't want to face feeling like a failure who couldn't hack it as a full-time artist, I didn't want people to question this really difficult decision and make me second guess it, when I'd already second guessed myself to death over it. So I waited to talk about it, and the longer I waited, the scarier it got.

While I was dealing with that feeling, I also started feeling afraid of making a comic, or personal art, or anything at all. "If I'm going to start really being serious about doing that, it had better be really good art, perfect art even. I got this other job and risked disappointing everyone so I better make something astounding, or else I'm a failure in two ways instead of just one." Those sorts of feelings started to take over, I had panic attacks, and I ran away from everything for a while.

There's more detail and backstory to why and how I got like that, but I think this much gets it across. I hope that even though it was worrying for you all, and fairly unpleasant to my current paying clients and supporters, you all can forgive me those two months of turmoil while I worked these things out with myself. I'm inching my way back to a new normal, the panic attacks have ceased, and I'm finally drawing again in a way that's comfortable and even fun. I'm still scared, but I'm doing my best, I promise you that.

I'll start posting art again soon, and will plan streams in the coming weeks. I'll have a more art-centric update journal soon, separate from this emotional-centric one. Again, thank you all for your support, it means the world to me.