So everyone is wondering why I've given up being the #1 BOLT fan. If you didn't know that's what's happened, now ya do. I'll try and make this brief as I really don't think it's something I should be mourning for ages because heck, it's a new stage in life y'know?
The title I took when I was young meant a lot to me yes, but it's because I had nothing else. The Bonyx pairing was a symbol of my loneliness, as I feared I would never find anyone that would truly love me, hence inventing a fan pairing to try and fill in the romantic space that was aching in my heart. The title was a fight for power, dominance, I wanted to be above the rest in something because I compelled at nothing else and I wanted to feel there was SOMETHING I had going for me - and at the time, it was that title.
This was 2009. I was only 12 / 13. It's 2013 now, I'm almost 17 years old, and things have changed. I don't want to cling to symbols of power and loneliness anymore, because now I have BubbleHusky, someone who I love for real, yes people can still support Bolt and Onyx as an OC x Canon pairing but I would prefer it if everyone shipped me with my REAL one true pairing, the one I actually live for real perfectly now, something I didn't have before when I invented such things. As for a fight for power? Who needs it! I was the 'top' of what was essentially kids and young teens who were fans of a Disney film. What was that being the top in power and charge of anything? That attitude doesn't suit me anymore, I want to blend, I've had enough of this spotlight and 'fame' for something that's really not worth it.
Also, I find it's a symbol of childhood. Like when Andy gives up his toys as he's moving on to college now y'know? I'M at college now, passing down my title to another kid who thinks they can uphold it, doesn't matter which as it's not my problem anymore. I was tired of the fighting, it seemed quite immature towards the end. Fighting with kids I had never even met before, quite a few years younger than me, over a title which may or may not actually exist etc, basically, everything the trolls told me on dA years ago when I was still too young and blind to listen to them. Trolls, you're no longer trolls. SURE you could have put it a little nicer... But your point was evident none the less, and I've moved on now. I understand now. I'm in a committed relationship, studying for diplomas in a college course, making an income, getting towards moving out of home and starting a life with my loved one, it just seems too much to handle with my stress-filled life now. The younger children have more time for things like this now, and they're welcome to it because I'm gladly handing it down now.
It's all people ever knew me for. I'm far more attached to my Furry side now - I would much rather be known for my stereotype as the friend who is the chubby dog, with glasses, who's forever hungry and enjoys feasts of food and even eating other Furries too, I would even prefer my Furry side of me to be my main reputation, than this. Try and make an effort to talk with this new reputation of me in mind, BOLT is not my entire life anymore. Take note of my PERSONALITY, not just my old main interest...
You can still consider me the #1 BOLT fan in your hearts, but don't attack those that try and claim it, as it's theirs now if they so wish. My bad days of getting throngs of white knights to 'support me' are over, they really are, that was very childish of me. You can still think this in your mind, and you can still support my BOLT pairing, but it's not my thing anymore - I'll still always love the film and I'm not giving up loving the film or the character, and NO WAY HOZAY am I selling ANY of my merch as I love it all to bits, I really do - I just, I don't wanna claim it as a thing anymore. I don't wanna try and like, push that as my owned property, I just wanna blend and be just another big fan of BOLT like the others. As I'm older now, my #1 fan faze is officially passed.
I've inspired many with my story apparently, with my four+ years of keeping the title, and the moral stands, 'Always stand up for what you believe in, because it's your opinion.' But if it's becoming a nasty thing, and it seems silly, then stop - they're entitled to their opinion too, and I've learned that now I've grown up and I have more going on irl, and I have more of a future planned out, I just don't see a place as being a #1 fan in it anymore. Not worth the fights, not worth the hassle, not worth getting me banned from any more sites, not worth me getting bullied by people anymore. I mean on this topic, look at how many sites I got banned from for this! Look at the internet reputation I got from it! It was just not worth it in the end.
I AM NOT THE SAME JESS GOLDEN YOU KNEW THREE YEARS AGO, ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA. You can leave me alone now, I'm through with that. I'm a changed fur.
I'm working on editing all of my websites to revert to a regular me, a me that just fits and blends as apposed to a me flaunting a title I don't want to uphold anymore, this change won't be immediate and will take time as there's a LOT to fix here. Four years worth to fix.
... When I said I was gonna make it brief