I'm on the cusp of a very busy month in which I have no idea how much or little online time I will have. All I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. Motivation is non existent despite my raging inspirations.

This month has been frankly; hell, and I've lost quite a lot of people and its caused me to really distance myself from places I used to hold dear. Talking to people now frightens me and my sense of being accepted is in tatters.

My desire to be social and participate is clashing with my fear of more people I like asking me to go away, or of people leaving altogether. I saw a picture meme of a cake that said "I'm really scared to talk to you but I want to be your friend", that is exactly the manifestation of words I've been looking for and couldn't find.

I'm not sure where I belong and if any choice I make is the right one. I've been rocked to my core in the past few months and this month seems to have released all the festering thoughts and feelings at once.

I also need to look at myself and my own behavior. What do others see? I know what I think they see, and my biased thoughts are not good ones. Going it alone is not easy and there's still a lot more coming.

One step, day, encounter, at a time.