June by Zalcoti

Holy moly, it's already June! Where did the time go?

Anyway, I'm doing much better, I think... The medication has been kicking in for a while and finally starting cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). I had to...disconnect and purge my thoughts for a while. Barely turned the desktop on or drew anything during that time...or much of anything enjoyable. Instead just took the time to try and recover. Bought new clothes on super sale, that actually fit me, instead of wearing baggy clothes all the time. Losing weight is fine and all but not when it starts to eat at my self-image. Still in that lanky, weird phase where I feel skinny and fat at the same time. Like my knuckles should be dragging on the ground yet still have a lot of fat in my thighs and belly...it really hit me hard. Still is to an extent. I hope to correct it this summer but we'll see. Lately it's been difficult to keep the sweets away. Damn you, sweet, seductive, delicious desserts!

Also been taking mini-road trips along the Mississippi River. Never had the chance before despite living quite close. It's beautiful up and down the Iowa-Wisconsin-Minnesota border. Just seeing the bluffs and the huge river helped to slowly bring myself back from that deep pit of despair. Plus it doesn't look like it should belong in the Midwest. It's crazy how different that river is compared to most in the area. All the locks and dams and wildlife...it was just beautiful. Someday I hope to go down to the delta in New Orleans, just to take in the beauty and scenery of that river flowing out into the ocean.

Again, art-wise I haven't been doing anything. Yeah..that's kind of a lie. I bought Alla Prima II after two years of deciding. Restarted up some exercises from the book and have been reading it on and off. Mostly when my brain allows enough concentration for such a heavy read. The fundamentals are bringing me back. It's slow but it's happening. And I may have scribbled in a sketchbook. Nothing memorable or outstanding. Just some brain farts to restart the creative cycle again. Been forcing myself to turn the desktop on lately though. Yesterday and today are the first two days in a row since...February? Kinda sad but...yeah. Slept most of yesterday. It was well needed. But today, after the files are backed up, I hope to become reacquainted with everything, starting with my own failures and successes, then work my way back up to drawing and writing. Maybe by the end of summer/beginning of fall I'll be back to my old production cycles. Maybe...

If anyone wants to ask me anything, go ahead. Maybe it'll keep me coming back enough to want to draw again.



3 June 2018 at 14:52:47 MDT

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