Hello, everyone.

I think it's time I posted a real update. Yes, I have been avoiding doing this. No, I will not state my reasons why. There's no clean/nice/simple way to do this so I'm Just going to get into it.
Here's how things went down:

Part 1: Fornite
It all started in September when "Fortnite" released their version of "PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds" (PUBG) called "Battle Royale". At the time, every other game I played was trying to rip-off PUBG. Even "Paladins", which is in itself an "Overwatch" rip-off. It was annoying. I was hoping that this would pass unnoticed like all the others. Unfortunately, everyone latched onto "Fortnite's" Battle Royale. Including all but one of my favorite Twitch streamers. I hated it. Since then, I've unsubscribed from all but two of 'em, I no longer play "Fortnite", and I stopped streaming altogether because I no longer had a desire to. I didn't think I had anything worth playing and the fact that I only ever had one constant viewer was discouraging. For several reasons (I will not mention here), my circle of gamer friends is so small in number that it's basically non-existent now. Long story short: I fell away from the Twitch scene and I don't think I'll be returning anytime soon.

Part 2: Hibernation
After Halloween, I went into "Hibernation". For me, this is normal. I do this every year from November 1st thru January 4th. Why? I can't stand the Holidays. Anyway, during this time, I usually stay off of social media. However, this year, I didn't bother with streaming or working on any art either.

Part 3a: Shashti
I would've resurfaced in early January but, right around that time, we received Shashti. Shashti is our lil' furbaby. She's an 8 month old lynx-point Siamese and we love her to bits. But I didn't know how she would be around my stuff. So I didn't want to return to streaming until she got settled and learned that my room is off limits. In the meantime, I couldn't be in my room at all. So I got 0 (zero) art or streaming done.

Part 3b: Versus Sekhmet
Caine and I originally applied for 2 kittens. We were hoping to get them both around the same time so they could both adjust to the house together and become buddies. Unfortunately, we didn't receive Sekhmet (a 3 month old Egyptian Mau) until a whole month later. We couldn't get her until after she got spayed and then there was the recovery time.. Anyway... by the time we were able to pick her up, Shashti was already completely settled and laid claim to the house. It was when we brought Sekhmet home that we found out Shashti was mis-advertised as being "friendly with other cats". She hated Sekhmet. I had to constantly step in whenever I heard Shashti begin to growl and hiss. They couldn't be in the same room together and Shashti was always looking for her, itching for a fight. The very short timeline goes like this:

Sunday (afternoon): We pick up Sekhmet.
Tuesday (evening): Shashti attacks Sekhmet.
Wednesday (evening): I return Sekhmet.

I was deeply saddened by this. Why? Well... Shashti took a liking to Caine. I mean, that's fine. Not me I'd bought her for him. But I was hoping to have a companion. I thought it'd help with my depression. But she spends more time with him and-.. Yeah. Anyway, when we got Sekhmet, I was really happy. She stuck close to me. She was super sweet and cuddly. I looked forward to watching her grow up into a big and beautiful cat in our home. We had to return her because she was half Shashti's age and size. We feared for her health and safety. Fortunately, the Foster family decided to adopt her and they keep me up to date with pictures and stuff. It's nice.

Part 4: Texas Furry Fiesta 2018
As you already know, Caine and I attended TFF 2018 this year. No need to repeat anything and I've got nothing to add to it other than the Fursuit Dance Competition was epic this year. Also I'm glad I got to hang with Caudle and Rasha again. Missed you two. Caine and I are looking forward to next year. Our third and final TFF.

Part 3c: Down With the Sickness
About 3 weeks ago, right after Caine and I returned from TFF 2018, we noticed that Shashti was having stool issues. Diarrhea, to be exact. We tried changing her diet but took her to the vet just in case. About an hour after we got home, I noticed she was winking her right eye. I knew something was wrong right away. We took her back to the vet the next day and learned that she had conjunctivitis ("pink eye"). He gave us antibiotics. 5 days later, I realized that it spread to her left eye. So we continued with the meds for another week. She's all better now, thank goodness.

Part 5: What Is Sleep?
Caine started a new job position in late January. Since then, his shifts and work hours have changed twice. He now works fewer days a week, but the shift hours are ridiculously long. As a result, our sleeping schedules are terrible. As if I didn't have enough issues with sleep. Spending more time with him has been great, though. We're both happy about that. So is Shashti.

Part 6: Caine's Surgery
Last Monday, Caine received surgery on his left wrist to remove a large ganglion cyst. It'd grown large enough that it was pressing on a vital nerve and cutting off circulation to his thumb. All went well. He's home for two weeks for recovery and I'm taking care of him.

Part 7: Overall
I haven't been in a good/positive state emotionally or mentally. Not for a very long time. I've been going through a lot of personal stuff.. Yes, I'm holding back. I'm not going to bore you all with details.

What's With the Journal Title?
Penguin Prison - "Something I'm Not (Krispin Korg Remix)" The song popped up in my head this morning after a string of thoughts. It suited how I feel about some things I've got going on.

Anywho.. There you have it. [Most of] the reasons as to why I've been offline and haven't updated. To those of you who I used to chat with regularly (you know who you are): No, I'm not avoiding/ignoring you. Yes, I miss you. I'm sorry. I don't know when I'll start streaming again (if ever) or when I'll post [art or an update] again.
I think I'm going to end it here, before I start rambling. Until next time.

~ BoKo