Update on me and life - my hopes and concerns this winter by ilbv

Several things I need to get off my chest, first and foremost I am still alive and am missing so much the days when I could be here so often. That being said, my work is going on Christmas break starting the 22nd all the way through to the 8th. So I will have loads more time to be online when I'm not doing real life stuff with family or making delicious food, of course I will also be out of work for a long time and have no income.

My hope is that I'll be able to complete the stuff I owe some people and be fully open for some PWYW (Pay What You Want Commissions) when people will get their finished art from me and then pay what they feel it is worth. I'll likely need to ask for some help getting the word out because I alone don't seem to reach a large audience, or at least an interested one. Lots of my watchers seem to be blank accounts or ghosts, or like me; people who want to help and simply do not have any money or interest in my artwork style or content. Additionally there are far superior and more deserving artists out there who I am essentially competing with, and this is the kind of game where the weak and lesser skilled do not survive for long. I have tried and will continue to try, it takes a lot of failures before a success; at least that's what all of the successful people say right?

If I cannot sell commission I'll probably just live at home and exist. While I have no back up plan (yet) for earning money, I can at least hope that there will be people out there who have the time or wish to trade with me so I can gift some of my friends online. This is very low on my wishlist though because I talk a good game and usually fail to deliver. I have yet again this year missed birthdays, other holidays and special occasions where a nice artwork would have been so appropriate and nice to give, and I've not had the time or energy to make it happen. If I don't do anything extra special and nice for my friends, what reason do they have for doing extra nice things for me? They do things with other people instead and I fade from hearts and minds. It's a struggle that haunts me constantly.

Holiday times are hard for sure, especially for all us millennials, that seems to be the term these days. Work is scarce, non-existent, or pays just enough to not starve and pay for phone and internet, which even now is becoming an expendable luxury. For the past few Christmases I've had to take on some significant credit card debt so that I had at least something to give to my close friends and family. The very idea of not having anything to give at all makes me prickle all over, my chest tightens and I get the huge urge to burst into tears; it's probably the closest feeling I've had to what many people describe as an anxiety attack. I don't know if that's just me or other people feel the same way.

January I was very lucky to have a lot of work right away and pay off my debt quickly with not much repercussions, every year though is a gamble. I have no idea how fortunate I will be this coming January. Things are already going to be different because of Ontario's Minimum wage going up January 1st. Right now it is $11.60 an hour going up to $14 an hour. So that is about $10.90 USD for all my American pals at least according to Google.

I feel like while people are going to be earning more, but it will have no real effect because to make up for the expense of paying employees the new wage, businesses are going to have to increase their prices on everything. Groceries are going up, gas will go up, clothes, shoes, a night at the movies. It will be impossible to afford stuff that was already a struggle to pay in the first place. What's worse is that people are going to start getting less shifts or be let go entirely. I personally predict massive job losses across the province, hundreds or thousands of people will be out of work and won't be able to find a new one because employers are condensing and downsizing in order to make money themselves. People will not be able to afford to stay in business or even work. It's going to be a really tough time and I have no idea what that means for me specifically. My industry seems secure enough and I am hoping for the best that I will have steady secure work. I really need to get into my workers union to ensure I won't be taken advantage of, the problem is that it will likely be even harder now with this increase.

Then there is that whole Net Neutrality thing, what is that and why the hell is it happening or even a thing? Am I going to lose access to my websites? Will FA cease to exist?
I really have no idea what's going on around me. I'm nervous for what's coming.

Update on me and life - my hopes and concerns this winter


10 December 2017 at 13:37:59 MST

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    Good, it's good to hear your getting off work for so long, but it sucks that you don't a,i.e. money while off.