I've finished a draft of a short story I'm actually considering submitting places for publication. It's a reworking of a story I originally submitted to the first ever FWG Anthology, but after feedback from the anthology's jurors and a couple of days sitting on it I realized it wasn't as brilliant as I thought it was, so I put it aside. But I'd been thinking off and on about it for a few years afterward, and still thought the general premise was decent, so I spent these past few weeks off and on rewriting it.

Anyone want to give me a second opinion? Not going to post it since most places want first publication rights, but I can e-mail it or something. Let me know.

EDIT: after receiving the first round of comments, I should give a warning that this story MAY come across as incomprehensible.