Rape.

It's not an easy thing to bring up, talk about, or discuss with others. Sometimes it can bring one to panic attacks just thinking about it for longer than a moment.
However - It's something that NEEDS to be talked about and brought into the light.

I cant speak for everyone who's been in this type of horrible situation. But, I can speak from my own personal experiences.

In deciding to make this Zine, I first wanted to make it a sort of story. A beginning to now timeline of events.
But, in trying to write an outline, i started to shake and panic. My breath quickened, my mind raced.... it hurt.
Trying to force 7 years worth of time back to the surface of my mind.. was not pleasant, nor healthy for me at this point in time.
Although it's nearly two years after the fact, the psychological damage is still there.

So. I decided to make this Zine a compilation of feelings. Feelings that arose after the incident.
Hatred toward my self, hatred toward my attacker, bewilderment that it happened at all, feelings of being disgusting and dirty, etc.

I expect feedback on it to be both positive and negative. It's a highly sensitive topic.

However, i mean no disrespect or misrepresentation towards other people who have experienced damaging non-consensual intimacy.
These feelings and thoughts are only my own; I have not asked anyone for their own words or experiences for this Zine.

Other than being written about my own experiences, this Zine will be anonymous. No characters depicted will have identities. My attacker will not be named or hinted at. If you are close to me, you may know who that person was. Please, keep them anonymous. I believe that Karma will take care of them.

Hugs for everyone who has gone through similar hard times, and those who support them.