What's Better About "The Linen Butterfly?" by Threetails

These are the biggest criticisms of "The Goldenlea" and "The Linen Butterfly" that I'm trying to address to make the new draft as polished as possible. Some of these criticisms are from reviews, some from proofreaders, and some are my own.

The Goldenlea:

Characters do not act like medieval nobles- fixed this as much as I could with my expanded knowledge and newfound insight into medieval life, though with the cyberpunk storyline it makes plenty of sense if they don't act quite like you'd expect. But I don't fall back on that as a crutch; I make an effort to make them more believable as medieval barons.

Dialogue is stilted- less than 1% of the original dialogue remains.

Story took so long to write that it has stylistic "growth rings"- everything is being rewritten from scratch over the course of about a year, so the style should be tight and uniform.

Character killed off at key point in the story is too much of a red shirt- now a main character gets killed off suddenly and senselessly. And yes, it makes sense in the context of the story.

The story feels confused as to what it wants to be- I reworked the plot points that mattered into a story that knows exactly what it wants to be. Whether or not that will show remains to be seen.

The Linen Butterfly (original version)

POV is too objective- putting a priority on fixing this in my revisions.

Ending drags- I have a much snappier ending in mind that still brings it all home.

Key scenes lack emotional impact- this will be an area of focus in revisions.

With any luck, the published version of "The Linen Butterfly" will be the sort of book I couldn't have ever imagined writing when I started the original "Goldenlea" almost 14 years ago.

And to everyone who offered useful criticism, thank you! I've become a much better writer because of all of you.

What's Better About "The Linen Butterfly?"


6 May 2017 at 04:23:38 MDT

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