Not sure where to start since the last journal is quite old, but I think I'm just gonna focus on the very last important event that happened to me, despite I said I would not really say anything about it in my last submission here. Not because I did not want to but because I think it's not interesting anybody.

Though after talking with someone who has gone through the same kind of problem, I think that just writing it somewhere might make things easier for me in a way, and maybe, it can make some people understanding some things about me recently.

So to make it short, I've lost the use of my left eye by the middle of January.
No need to ask me why nor how, I have no clue so far. I went to hospital as it was hurting at very start, then after finally being able to sleep, I discovered that I could not see anything at all from my left eye.
It has been quite sudden and despite 2 weeks of medical exams, I do not have much more explainations from the doctors (they may know what happened but they did not tell me so far).
The second week of exams was mainly about making sure I could keep my eye without developping troubles, or having it removed for safety (or whatever the word can be in english).
It seems that for now, it's ok for me to keep it so if you are not aware of what happened to me, you would not be able to say that I can see from just one eye nowadays.
My left eye does not show anything like a change of coloration for example ... well, at least for now (I've been told that it could happen, maybe).

I know, there are a lot of people who went through that kind of things already and they have been able to surpass that by now. But maybe they had enough support and cheer for that, maybe it took them time to get through it and being able to accept it and live with it.
So please, before telling me that you know people who live with it just fine, that they surpassed it, just allow me to take the time I need to do the same "work" on myself.
I need to think about myself first of all, not necessarily about people who have been able to do it (through time).
I do not think it's being self-centered, or not completely, just needing time, no more no less.

I try to do it with whatever I have, some may think it's some morbid taste (like the avatar I made about that). I tend to think that it's MY way to accept it.

I'm not sure if I'll reflect it to my characters, I don't really think so. There too, it's probably a little too soon to decide that.

Sorry if it does not make much sense, I'm trying to say things the best way I can with the vocabulary I know. Hopefully, it's ok enough for you to get it and fill the gap I may have done with my "english" ^^;
And if you have some questions or why not, some little advices (again, please, avoid telling me that you know people who surpassed it just fine, they had their own support, so please let me have mine too, thank you), feel free to tell me here.
I swear, there is no harm nor offensive feelings here, just wanting to be given the time to get through all this.

Everyone is different, and they all handle the same problem differently. There is not one way better than another, just an infinite number of different ways and to each their own that make them feel better with time.
I need to have mine, my own one, too.