I'm a white crayon (vent) by ilbv

If we were crayons I'd be the white one. No one wants them.
I'm the penny to everyone's hundred dollar bill.
Or the vegetable in a fruit tray. Out of place. Odd. Have no real use.

I went on a date, and I choked. It was such a flop I wanted to run away or shrivel up. I was even honest that I was nervous and didn't know what to do. I'm such a loser. I can't talk to people on dates because I'm so awkward. I have the same problem on FA as I do on dates. I have a "I'm not worthy" mentality. No one would want to talk to me. Why would anyone like me? I'm not special or attractive, I don't have a nice car or a big wallet. I'm not like all those studs who flirt with you. I don't have a strong body or the ability to buy you nice things. I can offer a shy smile and hope I'm charming enough to get one back maybe, but I probably don't even deserve that much, because who would ever like a pathetic struggling 4/10 guy? My heart always feels like a leaking water balloon and it hurts so much. I can't seem to fix it.

Also feeling like a let down, a disappointment. Like I've lost my worth.
Bad date, Being outdone and outshined, self-esteem, self-worth troubles, who am I? Orientation Struggles, what am I? Confusion. Frustration. Hopeless Romantic. Unrealistic Dreams.
Sad lonely ramblings of a human with dreams too big and a wallet too empty.
Better to admit it to myself than someone else point it out. Feel so invisible.

Disregard, I'm used to it :( I just want to matter.

I'm a white crayon (vent)

ilbv

5 September 2016 at 23:22:52 MDT

Journal Information

Views:
174
Comments:
0
Favorites:
0
Rating:
General

Tags Modify

Edit Tags